Welcome to Hell
by Twilight1rox
Summary: Emo Edward accidently killed girlfriend by drunk driving and now is suicidal. Bella is a sweet girl with an issue. Both end up in hell,aka an asylum.Can love blossom in such terrible circumstances & can they help each other to survive in such a bad place?
1. Chapter 1

I stared at my arms. Again.

It seemed to be the only thing I could do correctly. Stare. After all, I ended up here. Hell. Mental hospitals are hell. The one place I loathed more then this mental hospital was being in my own skin. I hated myself and with good reason.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen." I started again.

"Hi Edward." They all chimed.

"Tomorrow will be the five month anniversary of me killing my girlfriend, Alice, by drunk driving." I looked down. It was still a very touchy subject. "After she died, and I was convicted, I was given five hundred hours of community service, which I completed over 3 months. It was supposed to be a year sentence. After Alice died, life felt incomplete. I had nothing better to do. I had nothing to do, nor nothing I wanted to do. I started to cut myself constantly. I have over 400 scars on my legs and arms. Three weeks ago, I took 34 pills and slit my wrists. My mother found me unconscious on the floor. She shipped me here after I got out of the hospital. I've been here for sixteen days."

The looks of the people around me showed no pity, only the self conscious feelings they obviously had. I was the newest here, one of 7 in this therapy. The others had a variety of issues. There was James, who tried to kill himself and his girlfriend with a gun. Jasper, who had panic attacks and had cut himself, and who was surprisingly anorexic. Rosalie, who was a bulimic and had anxiety disorder. Me, who…well, you know. And finally came Jacob. Jacob had been here the longest, 4 months, and he was here for drug abuse and alcoholism. He had overdosed and nearly died. Jessica was here for reasons no one but her counselors knew. Esme was here for cutting herself.

This was my 13th time in group therapy. We each had to go to individual therapy after but, group was once a day with Dr. Rubenstein to discuss our issues, to come to "accept them so we can move on".

Jasper came next. Jasper Whitlock. His story was…odd.

Rosalie was the last one. She's been here for a month. She started off the same as every other day.

"Hi, I'm Rosalie Hale. I'm that girl who hates food. I was sexually abused by my boyfriend, who would also emotionally abuse me. He'd call me fat, and eventually cut my stomach with a knife," she lifted her shirt to show long scars running across her stomach. "I believed him. I stayed with him for months. He would cut me when HE was feeling stressed. My mom figured it out eventually, but it was too late. I believed him, I hated food. I would eat, just to throw it up later. I could no longer stop myself. My stomach seemed to have shrunken, and whatever I put in my stomach, just came back out. My beauty turned empty, my face gaunt, my teeth yellow, and my hair stringy. I grew hair everywhere, was constantly shaving, and starving myself to feel better." She looked down. "I've been here for 29 days, and four hours."

We all breathed a sigh of relief. It was over. After a while, you just learn to inhale their secrets as if they were your own. Their stories become yours.

The whole group stood up and left. We all sorted into our hallways to go to individual therapy, but we would all meet up for dinner in a couple hours on floor three. This was our home now. Hampstead Psychiatric Hospital. Hell on earth.

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Dinner. One of the hardest parts of being here was dinner. Why? That was one of the easiest questions to answer. Nothing was like home.

The food. The food was bland, or worse, too much salt. Not that I had a preference, I would prefer to die anyway.

Watching the others struggle though, is the worst. Rosalie can't eat with us watching her. We all turn around while she quietly eats. Half the time we still hear her gagging, before she runs to the bathroom. Mrs. Bublic goes with her every time.

Jasper is the same way though. He can hold down food a little more than Rosalie, and he can stand people watching him, but he just he doesn't like it. Although, a week ago, he was having a terrible day and his panic attacks set in. I looked at him once, ONCE, while he was eating his dinner. Big mistake. One look at him eating cause his body to start to sweat unlike anything I'd ever seen. He threw it up immediately, almost like Rosalie, except this was purely out of nerves.

He started to shake. His eyes became unfocused. He collapsed onto the floor. They had to calm him before he could even stand again. He was in his room for two days.

Today though, for a reason no one could explain, the entire crew was…dare I say? Happy? Rosalie messed around with Jasper, Jacob, James and I all messed around, throwing a little plastic ball around. Sometimes, we just forgot we were still kids. Laughing and joking, we all just smiled, before the end of dinner arrived. After dinner, each of us headed to our rooms which were one by one next to each other. Girls on one side of the hallway, guys on the other. There was one empty girl's room in this hallway. There were other wards for juvenile patients, but each person was put into a group, where they attended everything with their group, almost like a class. The empty room though, was unsettling. Angela had moved out of their two days after I moved in. "Cured". She had been anorexic.

We all went into our individual rooms, as the normal schedule rolled by. One down, too many more to go. How could I have ever been happy when I killed my girlfriend? Remorse took me over. I stared at the ceiling, and suddenly it was like I could see Alice's face. Tears flooded my eyes as I cried privately in the dark. I could almost hear Alice's voice. If I hadn't been such an irresponsible, idiotic human, she would've never have died. It's my own fault I'm miserable. I remember the scene. Alice was the only one of the both of us severely injured. She died on the scene. I could remember it as if it was today, and as if the blood still stained my shirt.

We was going 90 in my Porsche sped along faster then a bullet (okay so not really, but still). All of the sudden, we sped across the main intersection at the exact time a truck was. It hit us. It hit her. The truck went right into Alice's side. We sped off the road. I heard her screaming. I looked at her, still somewhat drunk, but sobering quickly. I saw her chest and blanched. Something had stabbed her in the chest and deeply. Blood soaked her arm in a matter of seconds. She started to gargle. Blood spurted out of her throat like a geyser, cutting off her screaming. Within a matter of minutes, her eyes lost all light. They rolled to the back of her head. Her heart galumphed one last time before falling, blood squeezing out of her before the flow slowed. The paramedics arrived minutes later.

The screaming seemed so…real. I could almost feel the bitterness and sheer pain. I heard her. "NO! LET ME GO! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE. I PROMISE… I'll be good! Just, PLEASE, let me go!" she screamed. Wait, what? That was not Alice. I ran to my door and peered through the window, alarmed.  
Ah. New girl. Her eyes were wild and dark hazelnut. Her hair was tangled around her head, chestnut, mahogany, brown, but had red tints. She was skinny, almost too skinny, but still looked sort of healthy. But only sort of. I watched as they took her into the room across from mine. I could watch everything with her. I watched as the placed her on the bed, the nurse stuck a needle in her arm, and soon after, she stopped fighting. She lay there.

They put a small straightjacket on her, and then left the room. They pulled down the outside shade, and locked the door. I understood. That happened to me too. A small sign hung outside her door. Isabella Swan, Age: 16, Sex: Female, etc. I knew the drill. She was on suicide watch and solitary confinement until she could calm down. Apparently any one who is out of control the first forty-eight hours of being here gets this, she was no exception.

She was beautiful though. Even as detestable a person as I was, and my interests in the world were lacking, I still wanted to meet this beautiful creature. I wondered why she was in this hell hole. My imagination spiraled crazily, and for the first time in months, I felt alive without cutting myself. It was sort of nice. I barely started to notice when I heard a slight movement, before realizing, she was waking up!

"SHIT!" she screamed. "Let me out! Get me out of this thing!" she screamed wildly. No one ever listens in confinement. They just ignore. She started sobbing. "It's dark! I'm afraid of the dark!" she cried. She kicked the door several times. You were only locked in while in confinement. I couldn't bear this fallen angel's crying.

I opened my door and went over to her room. "Hello?" she called, "Is anyone out there? Or am I all alone?" she said quietly, mostly to herself.

"I'm Edward. I'm with you and I live here too. You're in confinement for 24 hours before they let you out. Just don't struggle or they'll keep you in there for longer." I said quietly.

She gasped at the realization I was there. "I'm so happy I'm not alone." She breathed, relieved that she wasn't alone. "I'm so scared," she whimpered.

"I know. I know. Hold on." I replied, fiddling with the lock. Damn. I needed Isaiah's (the janitor's) pliers or just Rosalie's hair clip. I was getting her tomorrow, but for the time being I couldn't do much.  
Bella whimpered. I told her to imagine me hugging her. She giggled, reminding me she didn't know what I looked like. She didn't know I'd seen her. She started describing herself, bagging on herself with every sentence. I didn't describe myself, or it would be terrible, and I wanted someone to like me. Maybe Bella would be the one to like me, despite everything. I'd take it. I stayed with her 'till I heard her snoring on the floor on the other side of the door. I returned to my room and laid on my bed. Bella.

Bella.

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First fanfic in a while. Others I have taken down. :D  
I Must get 3 reviews for this chapter before I add another. Thanx! They make me happy. Just say sucks or great or right me a critique. Thanx! -Kassie


	2. Chapter 2: Diabetes?

I woke up to a scream. "Get away from me!" Bella screamed. I ran out of my room. Bella! I knocked on her door. She was still screaming. I pounded on the door again. I heard a gasp.

"Yes?" She whimpered, sounding terrified.

I ran to Rosalie's room, and opened the door. She watched me groggily before cursing.

"What the hell are you doing in here, jackass?" she spat, cranky from her brutal wakeup. I snatched a hair pin from on top of her dresser, the only thing in the room besides the bed. She looked pissed. I couldn't care less. I ran out of her room, slamming the door. I checked my watch. Four after midnight. I rushed to Bella's room and rattled the doorknob, to no avail. Time for Plan B. I popped the doorknob lock with the hairpin. I could care less if I got in trouble. The sign from outside was gone.

When I opened the door, I wasn't surprised by what I saw. Her body was contorted in an odd way, twisted on the ground. She looked so broken. Her eyes were tear streaked, red. Her hair curled around her head. I remembered being like that. When you're on suicide watch, not only are you checked up on every hour, but there's nothing in your room but a bed. No pillow. No sheet. Nothing but a mattress. They'd add more once she wasn't on suicide watch, but for now, she was at rock bottom.

I gathered her into my arms. I truly didn't care if I would get in trouble. Suicide watch was the only time the doors were locked. I hugged Bella tightly in my arms. She sobbed into me. I lifted her face up to me. She barely looked into my eyes.  
"Are you Edward?" Her last word broke, her voice barely a whisper.

"Yeah, I am. Come here. Shh." I whispered.

"I can't stand this place! Why can't I just go home?" Her question was one so hard to answer, and one that many had.

"It's almost time for breakfast, so you'd better get dressed." I looked at her feet. Barefoot. That would not fly here. "And, get some socks on."

"Why not shoes?"

"You aren't allowed. You have to wear socks all the time. Showers are after breakfast, and followed by group therapy."

Bella groaned. "Group therapy? Does that mean I have to explain why I'm here?"

"Nothing is a secret here." And with that, I left her.

Breakfast was disgusting, as usual. It consisted of an overly soft pancake, cereal, and super sweet syrup that tasted of sugar water. I heard the nurses quarrel over how Bella got out of her room. Each nurse blamed the other, but no one thought of us. I breathed relief. We were safe for now.

Within a few minutes, Jasper appeared, looking quite ill as soon as he saw the food. Even his skinny jeans looked too big for him. We were allowed to wear what we wanted, but it couldn't have strings, so he was wearing his black skinny jeans and a white shirt from aeropostale.

"Not a good day, Jas?" He only shook his head, and looked green as he saw the food.

Next came Jacob and Rosalie. Jacob's long hair was twisted around his head, making his hair a mess. Rosalie's gold hair was in a ponytail, and she look disheveled, glaring daggers at me for waking her earlier. Rosalie too looked a little sick at the prospect of eating such treacherous food, but unlike Jasper, she sighed, then sat down at the table over from ours. Girls and boys were not to sit at the same table as one another.

Finally, James emerged from his room, looking cocky as usual, but mostly tired. His eyes bore into mine as he gestured to Bella's room. "Hot?" He mouthed. I silently turned back to my food which I was playing with. He pissed me off sometimes, so much. My hands shook as I gripped the table.

Just then, I heard the slight sound of a door opening. A nurse came from Bella's room. Fay looked back, then beckoned to Bella. I saw Bella's foot, with her tiny sock on, step out onto the carpet of the hallway. She quickly scampered out, and sat down next to me.

"Ladies and gentlemen are not to be together. Rosalie, sit with her please." Fay called. Bitch. Bella's face turned bright red, before she walked to the warmer, got her tray, and sat down with her head fallen, next to Rosalie. I felt so badly for her, but there was nothing I could do.

Rosalie and Jasper didn't eat a single bite, and Bella just played with hers. I ate the cereal. Jacob and James scarfed down their food, and followed it with Rosalie's and Jasper's servings. I looked away, disgusted.

Then it was over.  
We all rushed to the nurses' desk, each of us going to get our medicine. Only Jacob and Bella didn't take any medicine. Jacob walked to Justin, another nurse, to get his vitals done. Bella hung back, and then followed after Jacob, silently and slowly. I took my Lexapro with my normal swig of water, followed by popping them into my mouth, like a pro. I took Trazedone before bed, so I could sleep easier and stay asleep, rather than be rattled by nightmares for the rest of my existence.

I then followed Bella into the line for vitals. She looked scared of everything, like a tiny kitten. I put my hand on her shoulder and whispered to her.

"It's all going to be okay." She looked as though she was about to cry. I watched as Justin took her vitals. They were abnormally high. Her pulse was racing. I wanted to give her a hug, but I couldn't right then. So I watched. Justin asked her something in her ear. He took a lancet out, and she pricked her finger, following up with putting it onto her meter. She had diabetes? Justin looked concerned as she told him her number.

"Sixty-two." I glared. She hadn't eaten on purpose. Little did she know, controlling her diabetes was not something she got to do here. Her face fell a little as he pulled out a packet of gummies and made her eat a couple. Then she stood up and walked to Dr. Rubenstein's office. She was the first for today. Dr. Rubenstein was terrible to new people, making them feel guilty, undeserving and selfish, but he got nicer as the days went on. The usual time for someone to stay here? Two weeks to two months. Jacob was a major exception.

I walked up to get my vitals done. They put a finger clamp over it to check my pulse rate, took my temperature, then my blood pressure. I watched as the numbers rose, then fell, then rose, finally choosing a number. Normal, as usual, except for my pulse. My pulse was faster than normal. Much faster. Why? I had felt anxious when I heard Bella's number, even if it wasn't that low.

"Nervous there, Edward? What's wrong?" Justin asked.

I just left without saying a word, and walked to the shower. I knew that the nurses went to the adult ward next door while we were taking showers, and only Anne was there. Annie was an old nurse who wore earphones the entire time she was watching us, and played them as loudly as she could. We had screamed to see if she would hear, but she didn't. The other nurses were usually gone for a good half hour. As I got my bucket for my shower, I walked to my room. I stopped in front of Bella's door. I heard sobbing from inside. I placed my bin in my room, then knocked on Bella's door, very lightly. There was no response. I walked back to my room, then heard a scream from Bella's room.

I ran there as fast as possible. Bella was in her shower. I wasn't sure if I could come in or not, but I decided I didn't care. I ran to Rosalie's room, and got her to check on Bella. I heard her gasp as she went into Bella's small bathroom, and I heard the water shut off.  
"Edward!" I heard her yell. I stepped in there.

Even I was a little shocked at what I saw. Bella was laying there in the shower, fully clothed. I knelt down to her, and put my hand on her arms. I gasped. Her arms were on fire, and her whole body was red. I knew that the water here got really hot, and was easily enough to scald you, but this was obviously on purpose. I grabbed her in my arms, and held her. The water soaked through me and nearly scalded me too. The heat was tremendous. I turned her shower on. I put it to cool, pushing her hair back. I'd only known this girl for twelve hours, but how could I already be doing this for her?

I held her tightly as she sobbed. Then I took her in my arms and ran my fingers through her hair. Then, I gave her over to Rosalie, telling her I'd be back soon. Then I ran and took a shower.

When I walked out into the hallway, Bella was there. Her eyes were red rimmed, and her skin was bright red, but other than that she looked….better. She didn't look okay, but she did look better than when I saw her, although, that wasn't hard. She stepped into my room. I took her into my arms and hugged her as tightly as possible. She returned it lightly.

Then we walked to group. A lower level of hell.

We all started with I feel statements, and introductions.

"I feel happy today, because, well, I don't know why, and I also feel anxious because I'm afraid I could mess up with a lot of things. I'm Edward, I'm seventeen. I've been here for two weeks. I'm here for grief management of my girlfriend Alice, when I killed her on accident, suicidal thoughts, and cutting, as well as depression." Everyone just glanced at me, while Bella just stared. No one said anything.

"Bella, dear, it's your turn."

I looked at her, as she sucked in a breath. She looked around at everyone but me, and then jumped in.

Hey yall! I'm so sorry that I haven't put it up in so long, but I wanted those reviews, and plus I was so busy in school, and I actually did end up going to the psych ward for depression. I thought I might, and that's why I started this story, and now I'm out after a week. So, I'm sorry for the wait. Now I may have a different view about it then before, and I'll be adding some things that happened in the ward to the story. If you want to know which was real, just ask, or I'll add a note. Sorry! Thanks to everyone who read or reviewed, or both. ;). Everyone curious to read what's wrong with Bella? Next chapter coming up soon. I need 4 reviews again. =D. THANKS! And next time, if I get 4 reviews within the next 2 weeks, I'll add Bella's Point of View!


	3. Chapter 3: Hypoglycemia

AN: A good amount of cursing in this chapter. Sorry. I was angsty today. If you are squeamish to blood. Don't read this chapter.

First, she glanced at Esme, who had been gone at breakfast. When she had come to group, her arms were bandaged and a guilty look was splattered across her face. The nurse had given Esme a glare before leaving, and Esme breathed a sigh of relief as soon as she was gone.

Jessica was with her councilors again. She had uttered her first word yesterday. She'd never talked here before.

Bella looked straight at me, then looked at the floor.

"I'm Bella. Bella Swan." She started, before being cut off by Marc.

"We don't usually use last names here." Marc glared at all of us. We always used our full _given_ names. It was our right, and he couldn't stop us.

"Oh. I'm sorry." She said, blushing a deep red, and didn't carry on.

"Bella?" Marc prompted.

"Yeah, sorry. Anyway, I'm Bella. Today I feel terrible. It's my first day here, and I hate it already, but I'm excited to be getting better." She gave a fake smile. Naughty girl! They always see past fake intentions and lies. The smirk on Marc's face proved it. "I've been here for only about twelve hours. I'm here for…" she cut off before starting in a slower voice that was full of shame. "I'm here for cutting and burning, suicidal thoughts, depression, and the fact that my parents are concerned that I will commit suicide, especially when I'm pregnant with my ex boyfriend, Emmett's, baby. I'm two months pregnant. I told them my dad could keep it. He really wants the baby. I really want him to have it. They're divorced."

All of our mouths, except for Marc's, dropped. Pregnant?

She pulled her white long sleeved shirt over her hands and balled them into fists of nerves.

"I go to Saint John's academy for girls. Ironic, huh? A guy saint, for a girl's catholic academy, and five percent of the girl's there get pregnant. I'm a sophomore."

Wow. The irony _did _strike me. Even my public high school didn't have more than two percent of our girls getting pregnant. Even though I was an "emo" outcast, I still knew the information. I always wore black and red, but that's not what defined me. It was the scars I never attempted to hide that splattered and tore across my arms.

"Anything else Bella?" Marc prompted again, eyes slightly slit, meaning that he knew she was holding something back.

"Nothing. That's it." She said quickly. A little too quickly, if you asked me.

"I'll wait for you to tell them. Please do it soon, because that's the only way we can heal. You understand that, don't you?"

She looked shocked, and angry, but begrudgingly shook her head.

I gave her a pitiful and sympathetic look when I saw her eyes come up to meet mine. Her eyes were dead. No emotion filled them, and they were flat brown for the first time. She had given up the fight to get out of here, and had given up. I was wrong before. _This_ was rock bottom, when the shame is the only thing that fills you, and every emotion you feel is changed into guilt and shame. When you realize, there isn't anything you can hide, and there's no way you can leave here without_ their_ permission. You were helpless, and under the mercy of the people who lord over you. You can't get out without them.

Marc didn't even notice. Bastard, who did this to people, didn't even notice anymore.

"So Esme, we heard you had an incident. Tell us about that."

Bella's look was of relief. The pressure and attention was off of her.  
Esme was not so lucky. She looked like a deer in the headlights. She stuttered to a start.

"It wasn't that bad! I swear, I just fucking hate this place. You all piss me the fuck off, and I just needed some relief, okay?"

"You will tell us what happened, and after group you will have focus time, instead of free time, for your inability to refrain from cursing." Marc responded, coldly.

"Fuck you. I hope you die, bitch. Mother fucker." Esme spat.

"You will tell us now, or you will remain in solitary until dinner."

"Asshole. So anyway, I just needed some relief."

"So what did you do?"

"I fucking took something and raked it across my arms in the middle of the night until I saw the tiny pinpoints of blood rush to my skin to greet me, okay? And don't you fucking DARE tell me to tell you what I used because I might use it later. If you guys are going to keep me here until hell freezes over, until insurance runs out, or until the maximum limit of six months, then I will fucking have a little fun. This place isn't a "stress centre" to get people better, and keep them from stress; it's a fucking loony bin, okay?"

Marc's expression didn't change. He didn't even acknowledge the taunting words she had thrown at him. "So, how did it feel?"

She was ready for this. "It felt amazing. It hurt at first, then a rush of heaven came up to greet me with the blood. I loved the blood, and I loved doing it. Y'all should try it sometime, it really is great." She sneered, with a grin posted on her face.

"SOLITARY!" Marc yelled, face turning red. The worst thing to tick off Marc was to try to get others to start to do your "bad" behavior.

Esme grinned. "My pleasure. No group for me today." She sang. She bowed to Marc, then skipped out of the room, humming a happy song. We saw her skip into her room, then look back out at us. She looked at Marc, then flicked him off.

The look on his face was bloodthirsty.

He called the nurse, and told her to lock Esme in. When the nurse finally came after fifteen minutes of us watching the door, instead of locking it, she rushed in. We were puzzled. Soon, two other nurses rushed in, and Marc ran out of the room. One rushed out, her arms covered in blood. Marc ran out and saw us. Blood covered his shirt, and stained over the light blue polo. It looked like a volcano of blood had erupted over his shirt, and had saturated him. We looked behind him to see a nurse with a suture run into Esme's room.

"Your rooms. Now! Stay there until I say to come out!" He growled. We all watched as he left then took Esme away on a stretcher. Her eyes were closed, unconscious, but she was smiling.

Marc left with them, only leaving one nurse here, and she was cleaning up.

We all left the room. Esme's room was the first from the group room, so we all had to walk past it. Out of natural curiosity, we all peered in.

It looked like a horror scene.

Blood was spattered everywhere. It covered the white bedspread, and it looked saturated. It was even put across the window. She had written in her own blood on the window. "Happy now?" My mouth was gaping. She must have hit a vein. This wasn't cutting for self mutilation. This was suicidal. With how much blood that was everywhere, she may have gotten her wish.

I walked to my room, Bella following directly behind me. The nurse was so busy, that when I looked back, Jasper was hugging Rosalie, and I don't think the nurse would notice had they been making out.

When I got to my room, I opened my door, when I felt a tug on my shirt. I looked down a little. Bella was pulling me toward her room. For the third time in a very short while, my mouth dropped open.

"Just come!" She whispered, and pulled me again.  
I followed her into her room, nervously looking around. She turned back to me, looking somewhat guilty, and somewhat scared at me. I just grabbed her into an embrace. "Pregnant?" I whispered. All she could do was nod. I felt nothing but compassion for her. "Are you going to keep it?" I asked, letting her go.

"I'm not having an abortion. I just… I can't do that to my child or to my dad. He wants this baby more than I do. I'm defiantly having my dad adopt her."

"Her? How do you….?"

"I can feel her. I know it's a girl. Somehow, I'm almost positive it's a girl. Don't tell anyone that though." I looked in awe at this creature before me. She stood like any average girl, but inside her was this little…bundling of cells that was turning into a new life. The prospect amazed me. All of the sudden, she broke down crying. "I don't know how I'm going to do this. My diabetes has been out of control with the pregnancy, and I'm so emotional. And birthing a child! I can't do it." She somehow ended up in my arms again; Bella was sobbing into my chest, soaking my shirt. The only thing I could do was hug her tighter.

All of the sudden she pulled away from me, then pushed me back. She slammed the door in my face. I was shocked and confused. All of the sudden, I heard the water running. I gently opened her door. The bathroom door was still open. I peered in. Bella was on her knees, throwing up into the toilet. I went over and knelt next to her, holding her hair behind her head, and rubbing her back. She looked so fragile. How could Bella be pregnant? She looked _too_ skinny if anything, not like a girl who was to give birth in a short seven months.

Bella looked extremely pale and yellow as she came up. Her entire body was shaking. I handed her a towel and a bottle of water. Bella looked appreciative, but ended up throwing up almost a second later. I never could take someone throwing up before. I usually ended up running out, but not with her. I couldn't explain why, but I couldn't leave her. Not here, not now.  
All of the sudden, she turned away from the toilet, her head towards the shower. She refused to look at me. I handed her a towel, and she wiped her mouth free of her own throw up. I handed her a bottle of water, but she refused it. I ran and got her toothbrush and toothpaste. When I came in, she was lying on the floor, shaking. I got her toothbrush and toothpaste ready. I lifted her nearly limp body to me, and brushed her teeth for her. She looked at me with eyes of appreciation, but she refused to say anything. She had already cleaned up the bathroom.

After a few minutes of brushing her teeth, I made her spit out the toothpaste. As soon as she did, she groaned. I handed her a bottle of water, which she accepted with vigor, then she gargled it. Soon she turned to me. Her eyes were tear streaked from accidentally crying while throwing up. Her hair was a mess. For the first time in my life, I clucked and pulled at her hair, straightening it until it was normal again. She looked up at me, and just beamed into my eyes. I looked at her. What was I feeling? Did I…actually care for this girl? She was knocked up by another man, and we were in a psych ward. How did this happen?

As I was pondering that, the nurse bustled in. "What are you doing?" She turned her eyes on me. Oh shit.

( I was going to end it there but I couldn't do that to y'all)

"You are both LUCKY that I am here and Marc isn't. You know he has that stick up his butt still." Cathy started. We both just looked at her. "You know I'm right. I'm not mad, but I do want to know what you're doing in here. You know guys and girls, you know, can't."  
Then I remembered why Cathy was always my favorite. I breathed a sigh of relief. "She was puking. I wanted to help her out. You know." I babbled. Cathy gave me a weird look, but came over to me anyway. Well, she actually came over to Bella, but same thing. She and I helped Bella to stand. She was still so weak. We walked her over to her bed. Bella looked fragile. She looked up at me.

"Edward? I hungry. …" she started. She was shaking and sweating all over. Her entire body seemed to be frozen. The nurse looked alarmed, then pulled a lancet out of her pockets, pricking Bella's finger. "OW!" Bella screamed, then looked angrily at the nurse. We ran her blood sugar fast. Thirty. All of the sudden, Bella started shaking out of control.

She was seizing.

(This up coming chapter is in medias res. Just so you know. =D)

Bella's Point of View:

I awoke in that fucking room, all alone. I had been afraid of the dark since, well, that _thing _happened. I would never get over it. I screamed. I wanted to be out of this damn place. Where were my parents? Was _he _lurking somewhere in the darkness? Was I totally alone? Just the thought of him made me sit up and run to the door. I kicked the door. My foot sort of hurt after that. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this in "my condition". I no longer cared. "SHIT!" I screamed at no one. "Let me out! Get me out of this thing!" I kicked harder. All of the sudden memories flooded back to me.

I remembered _him_. Everywhere. He was everywhere. I couldn't stand it.

Then I remembered Emmett, my savior and my protector, or so I thought. He'd left me as soon as he found out about his baby. It was our first time ever having sex. He thought I couldn't get pregnant. How wrong he was….

I remembered screaming at my father until the morning about how much he couldn't care about me. How I was going to shoot myself in the head with his police gun. That was the day he told me I needed to come here. The next day, I did. I think it was only a threat until I yelled so much. Too late now.

I remembered the look on my mother's face when I said I was pregnant. I remember her screaming about how irresponsible I was. "A high schooler should not be engaging in sexual activities. Sex is for adults, and you getting knocked up, shows how irresponsible and childish you are." Those were the most stinging words I had ever gotten from my mother. How she hated me for the child. How she hated the child that sucked its life from me.

I remembered the first throwing up. The first day late. Then the second. Then after a while, it was the tenth day missed. I knew I was in trouble.

I remembered the look on the cashier's face as I handed her the two boxes of pregnancy tests.

Then I took them home and took them before my father, Charlie, got home. I took one. Negative. I breathed the biggest sigh of relief. Then I took a second. Negative. When I looked at the first one again, it said positive. What? I looked at the box, and the wait time was longer than what I had thought it said. I watched in horror for the next two minutes as that second little pink strip showed up, confirming my worst fear. I was sixteen and pregnant. This couldn't be. I decided to wait till the next day.

The next day, I did the same. I sat on the floor waiting. I held my breath as the first strip turned a light blue. I waited. The second strip once again turned a blue colour. "DAMN IT!" I screamed, followed with endless sobbing, until Charlie came home. I told him immediately. He looked upset, and I watched as his hand twitched towards the gun as he asked who the father was.

I had refused to tell him until he gave me the bullets. As soon as I told him, he ran out. I got a call from Emmett later, asking if it was true I was going to have a baby. I confirmed it. He told me that I hadn't been a virgin when he had sex with me, and that I was a slut, and it couldn't be his. Emmett also told me to give my regards to my "son of a bitch rogue cop of a father". I cringed as Emmett slammed the phone down.

And then I remembered being brought in here. I remembered refusing to lay down on the bed, if you could really call it down, and the sharp pain in my arm as the nurse sedated me. It still pissed me off.

I broke from my memories, sobbing. "It's dark! I'm afraid of the dark!" I cried. No one was listening. I hated those memories. I couldn't stop crying either. I kicked at the door a couple times for good measure to get rid of the dark loom that fell upon me. It didn't work. The tears were soaking my face and body again. I heard a door creek open close by. I heard a slight sound as a person stepped onto the floor across the hall from me.

"Hello?" I mumbled quietly, knowing that no one would answer me, "Is anyone out there? Or am I all alone?"

To my surprise, I heard a reply.

"I'm Edward. I'm with you and I live here too. You're in confinement for 24 hours before they let you out. Just don't struggle or they'll keep you in there for longer." Damn, his voice was sexy. Fuck, I was stuck here for twenty four hours? How long had I been unconscious? I hoped it had been for a really long time. The feeling of someone being with me though, was invigorating. I needed him to be there. I felt an instant bond forming. The joy of being with someone was filling me.

"I'm so happy I'm not alone. I'm so scared." It was the truth. I hadn't been more afraid for a while. This place was a hell hole. My father told me I would be here a while. Possibly until the baby was born, or a little after considering how many moms had post partum depression. He didn't want me to go kill myself period, especially after having my daughter. I didn't want to be here though.

"I know. I know. Hold on." I heard Edward jiggle the lock. It was obviously locked, or I would've at least left this room. I listened as he swore under his breath. How I wanted to see my savior. I wanted to hug him. Or kiss him. Ha. How could I like a guy I had only known for a few minutes, and I had never seen him. Pathetic, Bella? I think so. The loneliness sunk in again though. I whimpered unintentionally. This place was hopeless.

He heard me whimper in the darkness. He told me to imagine him hugging me.

I giggled at the prospect. I couldn't imagine if I had never even seen him. What if he was fat? What if he was ugly? The only image in my mind of Edward, though, was one very cute guy who was super nice. I wondered what Edward was in here for. I suppose it was hard for him to imagine me. I started to describe myself honestly.

"My eyes are a dull brown, the colour of dirt and mud, and crap. My hair, it drives me crazy. It's terrible and I couldn't wish for worse hair. It's reddish brown and glows in the sunlight. It frizzes all the time. I hate it." I glared at a loose strand hanging in front of my face, before flicking it off to the side. He started to talk randomly to me. My body started to shut down. My eyes closed more and more as I listened to him, finally slumping down to the floor, and falling into the darkness.

AN: I put BPOV so I want 5 reviews. Plus it's Christmas and I want to get reviews so I can give a chapter. 5 reviews? One per person? Is that really too much. Review and I might put your name in a chapter………


	4. Chapter 4: Bella?

She shook in my arm, her eyes rolled back into her head. I felt her being ripped from my arms, faster than a car racing down a track. I groaned as I felt her presence leave my body. I could only watch as the rest of the nurses burst through the doors. She must have used the call button. I hadn't even noticed. They put Bella on a stretcher, giving her sugar to help her blood glucose levels. I yelled as she left my sight, and the tears started rolling down my face.

Rosalie came to me, and pulled me from Bella's floor. I saw Bella's perfume on the counter. I took it, and then followed after Rosalie. Marc looked at me in alarm, but let me go to my room anyway. I collapsed on my bed, shaking. Rosalie sat next to me. She turned my face to look at her. She rubbed my hair. She smelled like Bella's perfume. I think I may have accidentally sprayed her. Regardless, I needed Bella right now.

I kissed her. My eyes were closed, and Bella's lips were soft against mine. I laid her against my bed, and deepened the kiss, moaning against her lips. My lips opened to greet her flitting tongue, and felt her cool, slight breath intermingling with my heavy one. The taste was delightful and minty cool. I ran my fingers through my beautiful Bella's hair, but the feel was different. ,

It was not Bella's hair. This hair was mostly straight, whereas Bella's held a slight curl. I opened my eyes and gazed into the soft blue eyes of Rosalie. I growled and pulled away. This was not Bella. Not in the slightest.

I saw Rosalie's pure look of shock over my kissing her, and her stammering grew as she started to mutter to me. She blushed a deep red, before averting her gaze, and then ducking back. I came towards her, but she backed away from me slowly, before turning and running out of the room. Marc peered in moments later with a suspicious look upon his face.

I could only stare back at him. "Everything okay?" he asked, somewhat confused. I just collapsed back onto the bed. Too much had happened in one day, so I drifted into a very deserving slumber.

When I awoke, I was alone. It was darker outside, and the day must have rushed past me in a stumble. My eyes were adjusting to the light, when Rosalie looked in upon me. "They have news. Come, hear for yourself." She stammered, looking ashamed to see me once again. I looked upon her with grief, for my Bella was the one I had wanted to be with. Not her. I tried to push myself of the bed to stand up, but soon realized that I was too weak after my long sleep. I held my hand out to Rosalie. She hesitated.

"Fucking help me get up. I'm not going to attack you again, don't worry." I growled. She gasped, and I immediately felt bad. She hadn't done this, I had. She was just the person I kissed. She didn't know I fancied Bella. She reached her hands out to me, her knees braced for her attempt to pull me up, but between both of us, my body lifted off the bed and floated out of my bedchamber to Marc.

He looked at my hand intertwined with Rosalie's, and cleared his throat, with another suspicious gaze plastered across his face. I threw her hand away from me, and met his eyes. He gave me a glare that clearly said "Don't even think about it." I gave him a slight nod of my head, saying I understood, loudly and clearly.

I saw that everyone was together in the group room. Rosalie and I walked, side by side, down to the group room with Marc thundering behind him, which was astounding considering his small size.

Not that Marc didn't' look threatening. He was tall and lean, and looked like he worked out; he just didn't have that much muscle. If I hadn't had him take me down my second day here, I would've said I could beat him. He had dark brown eyes, and his skin was a chocolate brown. His hair was cut short, in almost a buzz cut, but not quite. He was young, only about thirty or so. I'd never liked him.

The time he took me down was one of the worst of my life. He had come in to release me from solitary, so he came into my room to talk. As soon as he closed the door behind him, I tackled him where his legs were. He went down like a wrecked house. We scuffled on the floor until I was able to get up. He staggered up. I pounced towards him. I haven't a clue to what I was doing. I wouldn't have gotten out of there anyway. Before I could take another step towards him, I found myself flat on the ground, breath knocked out of me, with his knees against my chest.

I was in solitary another thirty six hours.

Now was not the time to be having flashbacks.

I concentrated on Marc. He took a deep breath before starting. It reminded me of Bella when she first came to group. It seemed like forever ago. His hands were shaking as he looked at all of us. "Esme, as you all know, sustained many injuries today that she inflicted on herself. She went into exsanguinations, blood loss. She passed away a little after she went into the main hospital." Rosalie broke down, while Jacob just looked vulnerable, and slightly mad.

He gave us a couple minutes to digest that before plunging in again. "Bella will be back soon. She just had a diabetic seizure from hypoglycemia. I can't say anything else." I prayed she would be back soon, and it was calming to know she was "okay". I breathed slightly, and then smiled. Rosalie just looked dumbfounded at me, then angry.

"How can you fucking be smiling? Esme is DEAD!" She screamed at me, tears running down her face. "And all you are is HAPPY? Did you really hate her that much?" Rosalie shrieked. She ran out of the room, sobbing. Esme was her friend here, and one of the four girls. Only two of them, besides Rosalie, actually spoke, and Bella was new. Esme was the only girl who was her true friend in this place. I guess I understood where her anger was coming from, but I couldn't stop grinning. "DON'T YOU GET IT? SHE'S DEAD! DON'T YOU EVEN CARE?" She screamed loudly, but then she stormed out, without waiting for an answer. Only then did the smile slip from my face, realizing that I had upset the girl who'd been helping me with Bella.

I knew she cared about Bella and me, but I knew she really had bonded with Esme. I was being terrible, and I knew it, but I couldn't stop myself from Bella. She was pregnant with another man's baby, she probably loved some guy on the outside, and she was almost as messed up as I was, but I couldn't help it. I thought I loved her, as cheesy as it sounded.

I stood up to leave when Marc tried to stop me. "We still have emergency group, Edward. You need to stay. Rosalie will be sleeping until lunch." I turned to him, disgusted. "Enough has happened today. Put me in solitary for a day. I can handle it, but I'm not fucking coming to group."

I ended up in solitary anyway.

I can barely remember what ended me up there. I felt red hot anger course through my veins, followed by my vision turning red. I remember Jacob's comment of Bella being a whore, and James's comment of Bella being a prostitute, and I lost all self control. I spun around, and I don't even remember walking to them, but I remember being pulled from on top of James, while pulling the dark night hair of Jacob Black. I remember Justin's, the nurse, anger and strength as he attempted to pull me off of them, and my whirling around to try to attack him. James swiped my feet out from under me, and then I fell to my knees on the floor. I lunged at James, but Justin grabbed me by my feet and tried to pull me away. I fought until I felt a sharp pain in the ass (_**very**__ slight pun intended_), and then I fell into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up, and it was bright outside. I must have been "asleep" for hours. I balled my hands into fists, and then rubbed them against my eyes. I was stuck here. I saw food on the outside through the boxed window in the door. I knew I was in solitary until I calmed down and then a few hours more for punishment. I knew I would get food though, and surprisingly, I couldn't wait for food. I was starving.

But I wasn't starving just for food.

I saw Justin peer through the window at me. He knocked gently. I gave him a simple nod, telling him he could come in. Justin strolled over, and sat besides me, weary. He talked to me about the consequences of my actions but gave me a rundown, and a heart to heart, if you could call it that. To my own surprise, he let me out of solitary.

Everyone was in group, but Justin said I was allowed to go to breakfast instead. I went to the very small lunch room, which only had three tables that were small and round, and only held about 4 people comfortably. I sat down alone at the one closest to the door. I knew I had to go to group soon, but quite frankly, I just didn't want to. My stomach was growling for some sort of food. I quickly dug into my hash browns, and cereal with vigor. As soon as I was finished, I ran to group, eager to get started again, for once, but when I walked in, group was almost finished. Rosalie gave me a glare that said it all.

She hated me.

James was talking, and giving me a slight glare also, but I tuned him out and listened to my own breathing. I didn't really care anymore. Rather unfortunately, and somewhat fortunately, the attention was turned to me.

"Today I feel nervous because of what happened yesterday. I think it was yesterday…" I trailed off.

"You fought yesterday so they tranquilized you again. Twice. It was two days ago that Esme died." Rosalie cried.

I hadn't a single recollection of this, but I kept going anyway.

"I'm Edward, I'm seventeen, I'm here for depression, cutting, grief management, and attempted suicide. My goal for today is to learn new coping skills to use in life."

"Have you had any problems besides the fighting in the past couple of days?"

I hesitated and looked at Rosalie. She shook her head very slowly as to say, "You better not, bitch". I nodded my head, and then started again.

"I've just been really nervous ever since Bella started seizing in my arms. That just really terrified me, especially because I was not expecting it. I just felt so helpless." I looked down, "I just lost it. And Esme dying was terrible for me. She was a friend to everyone, and I miss her. It was just too much for one day."

The doctor nodded at me. "Group is over for right now; go get snacks, all except for you Edward. The doctor would like to see you in five minutes, stay here until then." I nodded my head.

All of the sudden though, before anyone could get up, I saw Marc open the door, and help Bella through the door. Rosalie stood up and left the room. She ran up to Bella and gave her a giant hug. Everyone followed suit, while I just sat down, waiting. I desperately wanted to go see Bella but I couldn't. I saw her look at my face, and smile widely. I saw as Rosalie said something to Bella. Bella looked shocked, and then very sad. She burst into tears and gave Rosalie a hug. What did she say to her? I glared at Rosalie, as she gave me a triumphant grin.

Bella's eyes tore into me as she turned back to face me. She looked so saddened that she turned away. I couldn't take it anymore. She moved into her room and shut the door, as I opened the door the group room and rushed out. I needed to do this fast.

I burst into her room as she was crying on her bed. I walked over to hug her, but she pushed me away. Hard.

She stood up next to me, and slapped me.

"So I lost my baby due to a seizure, and you had sex with Rosalie?" She screeched.

_**Hey yall.**_

_**Sorry about my English. I'm originally from Greece, and my full name is Cassandra. When I was four, I moved to Ireland, and four years ago I moved to the southern part of America. **_

_**I really appreciate all the reviewers especially.**_

Jeni56790

pixidancer22

brighteyes22

Jaspers Friend is a PIGGY

brodeurgirl30

And all my anonymous review. Thank you ALL so much. I'm sorry it took me a couple days to finish, but I was super sick with the stomach flu and I just couldn't write. :P

If you didn't get on, it wasn't that I didn't appreciate your review, trust me I did. But these people went beyond what I asked and I really really appreciate it.

For this chapter, I need eight reviews. :D


	5. Chapter 5: Roza and Elizabeth?

"What?" I growled, seething, and shocked. I was dumbfounded by Bella's conclusion.

"Get the fuck out of my room, Edward, or I'll have us be on six foot! God, you are SUCH a man whore. I thought….I thought you actually liked me." She broke down, turning her beautiful eyes downcast; her cheeks turned a beautiful shade of magenta, common only of Bella. I felt my heart slowly rip, shred by shred. Oh how right she was, as usual. I watched as her eyes filled to the brim with her heart's cries of sorrow. She looked up and blinked them back. I felt my ever present self control waning as one tear slowly crammed its way from the corner of her eye as she squeezed them shut. I took a step closer, as she backed away. I felt the shock and hurt ripple through me. She was pulling away from _me._

"Just…go away, Edward. Just go. Please!" She cried, her voice breaking with her last word as she grabbed herself around the waist, trying to hold herself together. She stepped one step back and looked down again.

I thought back to her yelling. I gasped. "You lost him?" I whispered, as gently as I could. I felt my heart rip open completely as I saw her lose it, but keep it inward. I watched as she broke.

"She. My baby was a girl. Apparently I was farther along than I thought, and they could tell it was a baby girl. Her name was Elizabeth." She whispered, tears now freely flowing from her eyes and onto the floor. They streaked down her face, showing each ounce of pain she carried. "I was going to ask you to help with her middle name." She sobbed.

"Elizabeth." I murmured quietly, under my breath. "Elizabeth Rosa?" I asked, trying desperately to calm her.

"Elizabeth. Elizabeth Roza." She murmured as I had. "I adore it. Perfect for my little girl." She said, obviously talking to herself. She turned back to me. "She never even knew her name." She was whimpering now. I couldn't keep control now. I embraced her in my arms, and she didn't fight back. I stroked her arms, now bare from where I pushed up her sleeves, but I felt something new there.

I looked down at her pallid arms. There was a thin bandage coiled around her lower arm, which was coming off slowly. I slowly unwound it as she started to colour again. At least eleven new cuts sprinkled neatly across her arm. She must've done this at the hospital. They can't have been watching her carefully enough. Each cut looked calculated and deep.

I looked up into her dark eyes where the tears were forming again. I unraveled the rest of the gauze from her arms, and gasped at her with what I saw.

At least forty cuts colored her arms red with blood. Four lines combined to make an "E". E for Elizabeth, or dare I say, Edward? I hugged her tighter. A song played in my head. "No chance. No way. I won't say I'm in love." Damn you, Hercules.  
She looked up at me with her beautiful mocha eyes, but pulled away from me again. I looked at her and realized, no matter how much I didn't want to, I had to go see the doctor. I groaned and said my goodbyes, sluggishly walking to her door. She trailed behind me like a puppy, almost absentmindedly.

The meeting passed by with a struggle. I ended up being kicked from the room for rudeness, and sent to solitary. An hour later, I was finally released. I trailed quietly behind Fay as I was lead to the group media room. Everyone was sitting in a social ring, except for Bella. I sat by Rosalie, praying she was no longer mad at me.  
Unfortunately though, I could feel the fire and ice run through my veins when it came to Rosalie. How could Bella think I traded it all with Rosalie? How could she think I fucked Rosalie? Bella was the only one except for Alice that I ever wanted to make love to. Fucking would come with a girl I didn't care for. Making love was when I cared for the person as I did Bella.

"We need to talk." I hissed at Rosalie. She shrugged. I growled at her.

She turned to glare at me with the fire and demon in her eyes, "We don't need to talk about anything. You dropped me after we had sex." Rosalie snuck a glance over at Bella. Pig. I hissed again.

"Rosalie. You know we never did anything, and everyone knows I would never do anything with a girl like you." I pulled farther away from her, disgusted, and scooted over to Bella, who gave me a look of admiration and relief.

However, Bella looked extremely green, and ill. "Fay!" I called, "Blood Glucose!" She rushed over and grabbed Bella's hand from me, giving me a clear glare.

I heard her gasp as she looked at the number. "Four hundred ninety." Bella started to choke. I turned her on her stomach as I looked at her pump. I pulled very slightly on the insulin tube, and it fell into my hand. Fay sighed and pulled Bella's shirt up to her bra. I saw Bella's round breasts. As wrong as it was, I felt myself being turned on with Bella's breasts in my view, and her body in my arms. Then Fay pushed a corrective dose into Bella's stomach with a normal insulin needle, breaking me from my trance. Bella started to relax. Soon she was grinning at me like normal.

And then it was finally down time.

Bella strolled into her room to sleep. I couldn't stand this much longer, especially not after what I saw today. I don't think I could ever sleep again after seeing Bella's soft supple breasts. I felt my attraction to her stronger than ever. I walked into my room and started writing in the free pages of my journal. I was writing a song for my beautiful,

Sexy Bella. I broke my very long song into two, and I was done.

I walked over to my door and peered out of the doorway. No one was watching. No one was around. I quietly snuck into Bella's room.

She looked up from her writing in shock and I didn't wait for her to kick me out. I just started singing.

"Trying not to lose my head  
But I've never been this scared before  
Tell you what I'll do instead  
Lay my body down on the floor  
To forget what I've done  
Silhouette 'til the good Lord come

All we know is distance  
We're close and then we run  
Kiss away the difference  
I know you hate this one

Trying not to lose your own  
Boxing up everything, you've got  
All you ever knew of home  
You're scared scared to see  
Your mother there in the door  
You wonder, where did the years go?

All we know is distance  
We're close and then we run  
Kiss away the difference  
I know you hate this one

But this is how the story ends  
Or have we just begun  
To kiss away the difference  
I know you hate this one

The violins make no sound  
And I begin to feel the ground

All we know is distance  
We're close and then we run  
Kiss away the difference  
I know you hate this one

But this is where the story ends  
Or have we just begun  
To kiss away the difference  
I know you hate this one"

I finished with a smile on my face. I looked up into her eyes with the last note I sung. My heart raced as her mouth slowly turned up into a smile. She rushed into my arms and her soft lips were on mine. I met her's with a fiery passion and fervor. Finally, she pulled away panting, then came back and I felt as her lips slowly parted against mine.

I need 5 reviews! THANK YOU TO YALL THAT REVIEWED. Im so sorry I didn't update. I just got a new boyfriend. New inspiration for kissing scene. Or so I'm hoping! Teehee. -Kassie


	6. Chapter 6: I may need a cold shower

Bella's soft breasts pressed up against me. I looked down at her and pressed her up against the wall. I took her jaw in my hands, and bent down to meet her lips. Her supple lips met mine as she melted into my arms. I opened my lips in sync with her. Our lips were in a tango rhythm. Bella's hot breath blew into my mouth, tasting softly of spearmint. Her wet tongue pressed against the outside of my lips, gently licking them, taunting me. Finally, I stuck my tongue out and flicked it against hers. She moaned against my lips….

And I awoke.

"Damn it" I thought to myself, just a dream. I looked down at the white blankets covering my warm body. I wasn't shocked to see the elevation where the top of my pants should be. I groaned and concentrated on the pillow my head rested on, and within a few minutes, I looked down to the normal scene. I stood up and walked out the door to the nurses' station. They took one look at me and grinned. I must look like hell. Fay was resting against the door to the closed station, and Jackie, the night nurse, was on the computer, but both were staring at me. They both started giggling.

"It's 5:19 in the morning, Edward. Go back to sleep, but before you wakeup again, you might want to take a shower and change." Jackie giggled.

I looked down at my pants. I had a large spot near the top. Damn you, wet dream. Too large to be pee, it was concluded what had happened. I groaned and cussed loudly. Fay burst out laughing, and I turned away, muttering a thanks.

"Edward!" Fay called, still giggling. I turned back, covering myself with my hoodie that I had on. No strings of course, cause we could choke ourselves with. I rolled my eyes at the thought. Fay giggled again, and followed me out of the nurses' station. She unlocked the laundry room, and I followed her in. I grabbed my bucket of bathroom things, and strutted out. Fay locked the door and called to me. I turned my head towards her.

"You have fun in that shower, but not too much fun." I blushed. I turned away and walked towards my room. I looked in Bella's room, and saw her eyes through the dark, just staring at me. I watched as she smiled widely, obviously hearing Fay's comment. She mouthed to me. "What happened?" I just rolled my eyes at her, and turned away, hoping she didn't find out.

I ran the shower and pulled down my pants. I pulled my shirt over my head and slipped into the warm shower.

Immediately, I thought of Bella's warm body pressed against mine, and I could feel the fire in my body. I turned the shower cold so I couldn't think of her that way and it worked. I breathed a sigh of relief and shrunk to the floor, shampooing my hair. I rinsed it through my hair, and sighed. I rubbed over my entire body with my Ax body wash. I loved the smell of Ax. I lathered up under my arms and washed my entire body around. I stepped out of the shower and looked in the mirror.

My hair was disheveled and dripping wet. The colour looked dark brown, when in real life it was a brown/red colour. My eyes shined gray-green and I grinned. My abs were ripped and evident against my chest. I grabbed my towel and curled up in it. I started singing to myself.

"You come to me with scars on your wrists,

You tell me this'll be the last night feeling like this,

I just came to say goodbye.  
I didn't want you to see me cry,  
I'm fine  
but I know it's a lie.  
This is the last night you'll spend alone.

Look me in the eyes so I know you know.

I'm everywhere,  
You want me to be,  
The last night you'll spend alone,  
I'll wrap you in my arms,

And I won't let go….."

I trailed off, and was dancing everywhere. I started to make some rock star moves, and I let the towel drop. I walked into my bedroom, and set my eyes upon the dresser that was right next to the bathroom door. I opened the doors and pulled on my boxers and a shirt. I was so going back to sleep. The boxers I had put on were way too small, so I took them off and walked into the bathroom again, gathering my dirty clothes. I shoved them into the dresser. I pulled on some different boxers and closed the doors. I turned to my bed. Bella was sitting there, on my bed, with the widest eyes I had ever seen. Fuck.


	7. Chapter 7:Bella's night and new guy

I gasped and turned away from her view. Then, I realized almost immediately that she had seen everything. She was wide eyed and her mouth was opened into an "o". I slowly backed away from her.

"How much did you see?" I asked her. She just shook her head and closed her eyes. She immediately started laughing and wouldn't stop. I was sort of insulted. Did I really look that bad? I thought I was pretty…..gifted in that area. Why was she laughing? I mean, she had some experience in that area. She _had_ gotten pregnant somehow. I shook away those thoughts.

"I'm….sorry…Edward." Bella snorted, as she doubled over. She was blushing profusely, as I was. I strutted over to her.

"Stop laughing." I growled, but she just giggled harder. I looked down at her, remembering our kiss from last night. After that, we had both parted and gone to sleep. I bent down and started to kiss her, but she was still laughing against my lips. I pulled away and she pouted with her lips. I refused to kiss her unless she stopped laughing. She got a very serious look on her face.

"Well, at least it's fair." I said, slightly grinning.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, eyes widening slowly.

"Nothing."

"No, tell me Edward."

"Well I saw your breasts when you were passing out, so it's only fair that you got to see something of mine." I grinned widely.

"What?" She screeched.

I couldn't help but smile smugly at her. Her cheeks blushed into a strawberry pink. Her eyes cast downward due to her embarrassment. I started to feel guilty.

I brought my arms around her, but she refused to hug me back. Tears of embarrassment flooded her eyes. Was she really that self conscious? I dipped my hand down to her chin, and pulled it slowly up towards me. She refused to look at me.

"Bella,"

She didn't answer, or look at me.

"Bella, look it wasn't bad. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. You were wearing a bra and she had to push up your shirt to inject your insulin. To be quite honest, I sort of liked it. You were cute. Nothing to be embarrassed about, okay? You don't ever have to be embarrassed around me." She dipped her head down.

"Bella," I said more forcefully. She didn't look. I looked down into her eyes, but they refused to meet mine, so I did the only thing I could.

I kissed her.

Our lips met with a spark only described in movies (**and yes, I have had this happen a couple times, so it does exist. An actual spark of electricity.)** Her lips barely kissed back at first, but then pushed against mine with fervor. We were soon fighting for dominance, when I breathed into her mouth. Her body reacted in the exact way I wanted it to. Her body grinded into mine, but I pulled away. She looked up at me and her lips turned down into a pout. I smiled at her.

"Now talk, Bella." I commanded.

She huffed. "You saw me?" Her blush started to return. Her deep brown eyes peered into mine.

"It wasn't on purpose, Bella. I really was just there when you got hyperglycemic. I was the one who caught it first."

"You know, we usually just call it high. As in my blood sugar levels are high. When did you, you know…" she trailed off.

"Just earlier today, it's really okay. Why are you here so late?" I questioned.

She blanched. "I had a really terrifying nightmare, and I needed you." I liked the way she said "needed me".  
"What happened?" I inquired.

"I can't tell you yet. I'll tell you tomorrow in group? In the mean time, will you just hold me? I can't handle this." The tears rushed again.

I sighed with sadness for Bella. What had happened to her that caused all of this? I slipped off my shirt and crawled into bed.

"You can't stay very long."

"I know." She replied, snuggling in under the blankets and curling up next to me.

I snuggled down into her, and wrapped my arms around her frail body. She relaxed next to me as soon as I ran my fingers up and down her arm. It soothed her. It was something my mother used to do for me when I couldn't sleep, and something I did for Alice in her last moments.

I pressed my fingers into her hair and ran them through the tangles. Soon, the soft purr of a sleeping child shuddered from Bella's body. I grinned as she slowly, in her sleep, turned to me. I pressed my lips against her forehead and drew her closer to me. Soon, sleep overtook me.

When I awoke, I was totally alone in the darkness. I could still feel Bella's warmth next to mine. I groaned at the new day. This morning was oh so perfect. I missed Bella's presence around me. I heard a slight knock on the door, and Bella's head popped in.  
"Come on, sleepy head, you're late. They tried to wake you up a couple times now, but they couldn't. It's time for breakfast."

I frowned as I jumped out of bed. My shirt still lie on the floor next to my bed. Bella's eyes traveled down my body, and like a girl, I had an urge to shield myself. I put it on, as well as socks. No shoes were allowed here, but neither was going barefoot. I slowly walked to the door, where Bella was waiting.

She walked ahead of me, hips slightly swaying, as Jacob fell in line with me. His dark hair ran down straight on his back. He gave me a look of apprehension, but then started talking.

"Hey Edward, ready for today's group?" He sighed with boredom. Everyday was the same here.

"Yeah, I think so, but Bella said she's going to have to talk about something new. I guess I'm going to talk about what exactly happened with Alice and I. Today should be interesting."

He smiled at me. We fought a lot, and we weren't the best of friends, but he and Jasper were the two guys closest to me.

Speaking of Jasper, he trailed behind us, before we turned to him. Jacob and I spread apart, and Jasper filled the spot.

"Jazz, you ready for breakfast? Good or bad?" I asked nervously.

"Good day, god damnit…. I want to eat. I'm tired of this fucking eating disorder."

My God, you could tell he had a medication change. I could almost see the happiness and determination run through his body. He was going to do this.

We got to the small lunch room. I sat next to Jacob and Jasper, and we all got our trays. Mine consisted of Lucky Charms (**my favourite**), pancakes, and juice. Jasper glared at the food, almost daring for them to throw themselves back up. Then he exploded into eating. I grinned at him. Progress.

In the middle of breakfast, the always locked door of the entrance slid open, and a large teenager stepped in. He was frowning. Justin filed in behind him, and sat him down at a secluded table. He started searching his clothes and bag. The boy looked apathetic, and then Justin checked his vitals. He slid a wristband onto the boy's arm, and tightened it. He came over to us.

His hair was dark brown, and curly. His eyes were red rimmed and you could tell he was scared. He was rather large, but you could see burn marks run up and down his arms. Most likely self inflicted, I thought. I also saw bruises in the upper part of his arms. Drugs. I looked back at his face, and he looked apprehensive before he sat down next to me. He sighed and then started talking.

"Hi, I'm Emmett."

**Ooooooh. Emmett is finally here!!! If you have any ideas for the story, just review telling me about them. I want 6 reviews please * I have OCD and it really does bug me when things don't end with 5 or 0*. I am so sorry about how long the last chapter took me. **** so I hope I made it up to you with this chapter. Over and out. –Kassie.**


	8. Chapter 8 :D A secret revealed

"Hi, Emmett. I'm Jasper." Jasper said, sticking one of his hands out. The other was engulfed in syrup. It looked like Jasper hadn't eaten in ages. Oh wait…he hadn't.  
I looked at his eyes. They weren't only red-rimmed, but they were also bloodshot. I gasped. "Dude! What are you on?" I asked, almost awestricken. I'd never seen someone's eyes be that red.

"I knew I had to come here so I snorted some meth and speedballed a little. I also tried a bit of heroin." He grinned at me. You could tell he was still sort of high, but that it had been hours ago when he did it. He was buzzed…but not that buzzed. I grinned back at him.

Suddenly, I watched his unfocused eyes peer at something. Jacob's and my eyes followed his until we saw the swaging butt of none other than Rosalie Hale. Jacob and I grinned at each other. Emmett was mesmerized. "Watch yourself, she's the only ass you'll be seeing for the next few weeks…or months." Emmett just simply shot me a smirk.

"Who is _she_?" He whispered to us.

"_That_ is Rosalie. Mess with her and she'll mess you up." Jacob said, smiling, obviously amused by Emmett's clear desire.

"She's so tiny." He commented, watching her hips move back and forth.

"You'll hear why in group. We'll be doing intros. However, a couple of days ago, she did tell us about her sexual assault from her boyfriend. We might be talking about that today. Get ready, cause we all have major issues." I whispered, slightly afraid of what Rosalie would do if she heard Emmett. She could twist us around her fingers, just to put us in the fire. She'd been getting so much better since we'd been here.

I watched as Rosalie turned to us, a slightly stunned look on her face. Damn, she'd heard us. She looked Emmett up and down, and gave him a spicy smirk. He smiled back at her, his dimples as deep as craters. As soon as she turned away, he ran his hand through his curly dark hair, sighing loudly.

"What are you in for?" I asked loudly. He looked at me, dazed.

"Huh?"

"You. What are you in for?" I asked, speaking slowly.  
"Oh. Drugs, alcohol, and major depression. My mom killed herself and my dad left a few months ago. I was left with a family friend, so I started burning and cutting, and with my other addictions. They shipped me off here because they found a gun next to my bed and a suicide letter. I wasn't going to do it. At least not right then." Emmett looked down, guiltily. "I worried them so much."

I patted his back, then watched Jasper as he inhaled a third plate of food. I grinned. His cheeks were rosy again, and his golden curls were getting healthier. He was shining.

I grabbed his orange juice from his tray. I heard a loud growl from the bottom of his chest, but ignored it, ripping off the foil from the top of the plastic cup. I swallowed it all in one gulp. Bella strutted over to me. I had noticed she had been gone for the entire breakfast, but had no clue to where she had gone. She smiled at me. I waved her over. She looked down into my eyes.

I stared into her dark brown orbs, letting every question flow out of me.

"I'll talk about it today in group. Which starts in two minutes." She said, smiling somberly. Something was wrong, and I was going to find out what in group. I smiled back at her. She sat down for a minute next to me. Emmett's eyes swiveled from Rosalie to meet Bella.

She reached her hand out to greet Emmett's. "Bella." She said, polite and quiet.

"Emmett. Emmett McCarty."

All of the sudden, we heard the sound of Justin's voice. "Time for group." I grinned as we all stood up. Bella took my hand and helped pull me up. It was a quiet walk to group room. The emotions were almost tangible. Jasper's satisfaction. Jacob's normalness. Emmett and Bella's anxiety. I didn't even know what I was feeling. We all walked into the room and sat down.

Jasper sat next to me, as did Bella. Next to Bella was Jacob, who was next to Rose, who was next to James, then Dr. Rubenstein, then Emmett, followed by Jasper.

As soon as we were all seated, Doctor Rubenstein stood up. "Bella agreed to talk if we all listen. She requested to go first, which, for this time only, I will agree to. Bella?"

Bella stood up, and turned to me for a fraction of a second, her eyes were scared. She scooted closer to Rosalie. Away from me.

"I'm Isabella. I'm here for cutting and burning, suicidal thoughts, depression, and one other thing. My parents were also concerned I was about to commit suicide because when I was at home, I was pregnant. I came here and lost my baby to diabetic hypoglycemia. The truth is….." She stopped for a minute, and started crying. Rosalie stood up and hugged my Bella.

"The truth is I was pregnant because I was raped. I was raped by my next door neighbor." Her voice cracked.

Raped.

If I get 2 reviews tonight, I will put up the next chapter tomorrow.

Sorry this was short.


	9. Chapter 9: Rated M for Mature ONLY: RAPE

**THIS IS A VERY STRONG MATURE RAPE SCENE. DO NOT READ IF NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE IT. FULL RAPE SCENE. COLEEN! THIS MEANS YOU. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE, DON'T READ.**

The word resounded throughout the room. All of us just looked at her in shock. Well, everyone except Rosalie, who had a grim expression covering her face. Bella shielded her face from me. She looked at everyone but me. I cringed as her tears ran down her blushing cheeks.  
I could feel my chin wide open against my face.  
*Flashback*

_Bella screaming in the middle of the night._

_ Bella talking in her sleep. Her cringing away from me. Her crying for something to "get off of her". _

_ Her screaming piercing my ears as she thrashed in my arms in the middle of the night. Tearing at her own skin until she bled. Sobbing as she clutched her stomach. Covering her private areas. _

_ *_Flashback ends*

I never even fully put it together. There had been the slightest suspicion. She hadn't' talked about it as "rape". She refused to talk about it most times, but when she did she always referred to it as sex or fucking. She never referred to it as rape. I guess it did make sense though. Her screams. The pregnancy. The talking and cringing. It never mixed in my head to make something so….tragic and repugnant. She'd never even told me the guy's name. She just said it was her ex. I guess I knew why it was her ex.

She wouldn't look at me.

I could only watch as she struggled through her sentences.

"I thought I was in love…." She trailed off.

"He would buy me presents, and kiss me. He'd give me all of his attention, all the time. He was my neighbor, my boyfriend, and my best friend. And he quickly became my only friend. He would manipulate me and tell me about how I didn't love him as much as he loved me because he would give me the world, and I wouldn't give him sex." She looked down and took a deep breath. She was slightly shaking. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and never let her go.

"He started being more demanding. He would make me kiss him, and stay away from my friends. He made me quit the newspaper. And then he made me….. pleasure him. I'd refuse and he'd hit me. He stopped caring about my feelings. I broke up with him." I breathed slightly. I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until then. She too let out a shaky breath.

"The issue was…he lived next door. It had been a month or so since we had broken up. My mother and my stepfather went out to dinner. They left me at home. He snuck over here as soon as he saw they were gone. He took the key from under the planter and let himself in. I was taking a nap. I woke up and he was leaning over me. I used to be a deep sleeper. When I woke up, my arms were duct taped to my headboard. It was like being tied. He stuffed my mouth with his boxers and he duct taped that shut. He told me I wanted it. I had provoked him. I was screaming as he touched me. He wouldn't stop." She wrapped her arms around her waist, trying to hold herself together. I sucked in again. Her gaze refused to pass me at all. Her expression was shameful. The tears screamed at me. They tore at my heart, knowing hers was being cut up with the razor memories.

"He took off my clothes and kissed me everywhere. He touched me and licked me. He would smack me until I moaned. He told me that I liked what he was doing, and that I deserved every second of it, because I was his. He stripped in front of me. I was crying but he would smack me to shut me up. He took off his boxers, signaling that he was ready. He laid down on top of me, naked. He pushed my legs open. I tried to push them closed but he pried them open. He took a deep breath at the center of my legs. I felt him push into me and I screamed as loudly as I could as he grunted. I sobbed but he was enjoying himself. I felt my barrier break. He was inside of me. He called me a bitch. A whore. Nothing to anyone but him. I finally felt him let go inside of me. I screamed as the pressure intensified. He was satisfied with himself. He took himself out of me. I realized he hadn't been wearing a condom. I felt the rest of the color from my body just drain. He cleaned himself off. I felt the blood rush down my legs. I was still crying. He duct taped my feet so I was doing the splits. It was so painful."

I'd never seen a human cry so much or struggle for their words. Tears were streaking down Rosalie's, Jacob's, and Jasper's faces. Bella's face was soaked. I'd never think I'd see Jacob cry. Ever. He wasn't bawling, but his tears were evident. I was surprised to feel the wetness on my cheeks and to taste the saltiness on my lips. I never cried. I hadn't cried since my mother, Elizabeth, died. My father never remarried. She started talking again.

"My parents had to come in and find me. The look on my step father's face….I'll never forget it. The sheer horror at the situation was amazing. My mother screamed. I was so embarrassed at them seeing me that way. I wouldn't sleep and we moved the next day. The cops caught him the day after. He didn't even deny it." Rose stood up and hugged her tightly, crying along with her. Rose looked at me.

"Her heart rate is way too high. She's barely breathing." Rose said calmly. It was true. You could barely hear the shallow breaths coming from Bella. She was hyperventilating. She was panicking. Rose held her tightly and sat her down. Bella looked terrified. She still wouldn't look at me.

Each of us went through introductions again. We obviously weren't going to talk about Rose today. Not after poor Bella. We were all sort of shaken up that something like that had happened to one of our own. But of course, that's why she was one of our own. My turn came readily.

"Hi, I'm Edward. I'm here for cutting, suicide ideation and attempting, grief management, and depression. Blah blah blah. You all know that story. Is it time for group to be over?"

"Just about, Edward. Relax. I'll let you all go as soon as you use an I feel statement."

"I feel sad because that shit happened to Bella, and anxious cause I would like to get out of here."

I watched as Bella looked farther down. Shit. She thought she made me uncomfortable, and that I didn't like her. She thought I was feeling awkward. I needed to talk to her, not to shame her. I wanted to be out of here so I could hold her in my arms and kiss her sweet red lips. I needed her to know that I was here. For her. And I would never ever be the way he was to her. I needed her to know that I was different. I needed her to know now. Justin released us. We all filed out quietly. It was time for snack. I couldn't take this much longer. I caught her eye. She stopped in her tracks. I watched as she turned back and ran into Dr. Rubenstein's room. This would be a long day.

**I need 6 reviews. Sorry for the long wait. My sister threw my laptop down the stairs and broke the screen. Now using a desktop. Blerg. Worst chair ever.**


	10. Chapter 10: Dear God Longest chapter

I walked into the small lunch room. Emmett was grinning while sitting next to Rosalie. Jacob was across the table, fist pounding Emmett. James was sitting alone in the corner. Jasper was next to Jacob, just staring at me. His eyes poured into mine, pounding against my insides. He knew what this was like. I could tell. I was in a room full of people and yet, I felt totally, and completely, utterly alone.

I couldn't take it anymore. I walked over to the wall and leaned against it. I could feel my body sink into a puddle against the wall. My knees totally gave way under me, and sobs racked my body. I refused to cry but I could feel the dry sobs forcing my body to hyperventilate. I had my head in my hands, and suddenly, I could feel someone's arms around me. I looked up into Rosalie's shining eyes.

"Listen, Edward." She said, slowly. She sat down next to me, and I ran my hand through my hair, ruffling it slightly. I watched in awe as I realized my hands were shaking. Rosalie took one of my hands and rubbed it slightly with the tips of her fingers, exactly as my mother, Elizabeth, would've done. I smiled slightly at her. "You've got to make sure she knows how you feel about her."

"What? What do you mean?" I asked, not sure how much she knew. She knew Bella and I were something. Even I wasn't sure what _kind_ of couple we were. We weren't technically dating, but I sure as hell wanted to.

"You and I both know you love her. You need to tell her that. Make sure she knows it." She took a deep breath. "You don't get it do you?" I shook my head at her. I didn't understand what she was getting at. Bella knew I loved her, didn't she?

"You need to _tell _her. After she just told us that, she needs someone to tell her. Especially you. She needs someone, but she wants _y_ou to be there, and not anyone else can help her like you can." I couldn't understand. Why would she need me? I was sick, and a killer. Rosalie looked into me and poured her feelings in.

"She feels used. Unwanted. Someone didn't want her enough to buy the cow instead of just taking the milk. Bella probably feels like she deserved it in some way. She feels dirty and like a whore. Most likely, she feels like she doesn't deserve you because she is worthless in her own eyes. She hates herself. I can see it in her, just as everyone could see it in me." She breathed. When I looked into her crystal lake eyes, I saw the tears of many years building in the crevice of her eyes, but when I looked again, she was looking up at the ceiling, and seconds later, the tears were gone.

I pushed away from the wall, only to stumble to the table. I had to wait for a while before Bella would've been out. I barely ate anything. Jasper's eyes were following me everywhere. I needed to see her. I craved her touch. Jacob l bumped my arm with his knife. I looked up into his eyes. Sheer pity shone in his face. I knew he knew what I was feeling. He and I had talked about his former girlfriend, Ana, before now. He had a new girlfriend, named Leah, but I knew he still loved Ana.

Ana had been raped by her father and was repetitively raped by her uncle all of the time. Jacob dated her for a few months before he found out. He had gone after her uncle and father, and nearly killed him, which helped land him here. Ana had killed herself as soon as she found out Jacob was going to juvie. He nearly killed himself and he started drugs as soon as he got out of jail. He still grieved Ana. Now, he was going out with Leah, who was getting over her breakup with her ex-boyfriend, Sam. She too had been addicted to drugs, and her brother, Seth, got her into rehab. They weren't allowed to see each other anymore, and I knew, behind his smiles and laughs, It was tearing him apart.

I knew I needed to see Bella, but I couldn't get the shaking suspicions out of my mind that Bella needed to be alone. I needed to find out, so I snuck away. I couldn't wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow was our total free day, to do as we wished inside the lockdown ward, with no therapy and we were allowed to be with people and do as we wished. Bella and I could be alone without sneaking.

However, today was not tomorrow, and she needed to see me today. I looked around slowly. Seeing no one, I slipped into the hall. I pushed open Bella's door to see her on her bed, scratching silently at her stomach and arms. I watched in horror as the blood ran slightly from her fingernails, her inability to control herself was evident. Her eyes were coloured red with tears. She looked up at me briefly before standing up and hobbling over. Her voice was clear malice as she said to me "Leave. Now."

I looked at her, shocked. I took another step towards her, but, unlike what she seemed able to do, she whipped her body around and started walking towards the bed. This was the last chance I would have to get to her, I felt. She would leave and walk away. We may be forced in the same place physically, but she could check herself out emotionally, and I knew it would be a place I would never be able to find her.

So I grabbed her elbow. She whimpered. I spun her back around and held her close. I could feel her body's warmth against mine. She pulled away from me but I pulled her hips into mine. She whimpered more. I felt shocked and took a step back. She pushed back into my arms and broke down. She and I were some match. Both of us so emotional, and could turn emotions at the flip of a coin. She pushed into my arms. Bella flipped her head up to meet mine. She tried to push her lips to mine, but I pushed away from her. A hurt look passed her face. I noticed it and felt my insides crumble for her. I needed this to end. "Bella." I said, pressing my body against hers.

"Stop!" She cried, sobbing. She dropped to her knees, and I dropped with my angel. "You don't want this. You…can't….want….this." She sobbed, gesturing to herself. I didn't want her to ever think that about how I felt about her. I wasn't pushing her away because I didn't want her. I wanted her so bad that I could feel myself crumble to do anything to make her feel better. I wanted to give her an amazingly happy ending. I loved her and I wanted the best for her. I wanted to give myself to her completely, which was farther than I had gone with Alice.

"What, sweetie?" I asked, baffled. How could she construe the way I felt about her?

"Don't call me that!" She screeched, quietly. "You don't mean it." She started to whisper.

"What are you talking about, Bella?" I questioned her, slowly. I grabbed a hold of one of her hands which was grasping at her face. She was tearing at it, almost repulsed by her own skin. (**I have actually done this before.)**She scratched at her arms with one of her hands and I grabbed it.

"I'm broken. I'm dirty. I'm nothing special. And I'm not something you would want." She cried. "You couldn't want someone like me."

I laughed and cried a little at the same time. I watched her face as I said it. "Bella baby. Bella. Listen to me, Isabella!" She slowly turned her eyes to face me. I saw the tears pool again, and leak out of her eyes. She couldn't get her breathing under control. Her bottom lip was quivering. There were red splotches all over her face. Her lips were a bright cherry red from where she had been biting them. I wanted to touch them, and kiss her so much that her hurt flew away, if that were even possible. I could see the hurt in her eyes, and I couldn't take it. I needed to do this now. I needed to take her pain away, and I needed her to know.

"I don't care what happened to you. I wouldn't care if you had that baby. I would've asked you to marry me. I would've been the father to that baby. I'm so goddamn lucky that someone would love me, especially someone as amazing as you. God damnit, I'm a fucking killer! I'm so lucky to have you. I wouldn't care if you were a wanted felon, or a con artist. I'm not forced to be with you. I'm here because….well, I'm here because…. Bella. Isabella. Isabella Marie Swan, I swear to God, I love you with my entire heart. I love you."

* * *

I decided to make this chapter happy. I need 7 reviews please. I'm still really upset about what happened, and reviews cheer me up. The driver's condition is stable. He has really bad burns and had to get a skin graft. His legs are messed up, and his mental health is in shambles. Please, please pray for him and for the two boys that were lost. They were all teenagers, and this wasn't supposed to happen to them. I've known the driver for 4 years, and he's a good kid. I feel so badly for him and the parents of the boys. I also wrote a new story. Go check it out! It's another E/B story, and it's nothing like this one, but it is hurt/comfort/romance, and I think you might like it. It's spur of the moment too. Please check it out. Love you all! –Kassie


	11. Chapter 11: This is actually the longest

All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people where do they all belong? Eleanor Rigby- The Beatles

COLLEEN. BE WARNED ABOUT THIS CHAPTER TOO. The story from now on is from a horny teenager's perspective. So if there are things, I did not do it, I am taking creative license, and if things get steamy, so be it. It almost writes itself.

_"I don't care what happened to you. I wouldn't care if you had that baby. I would've asked you to marry me. I would've been the father to that baby. I'm so goddamn lucky that someone would love me, especially someone as amazing as you. God damnit, I'm a fucking killer! I'm so lucky to have you. I wouldn't care if you were a wanted felon, or a con artist. I'm not forced to be with you. I'm here because….well, I'm here because…. Bella. Isabella. Isabella Marie Swan, I swear to God, I love you with my entire heart. I love you."_

I watched her silently. She looked like a fish. Her mouth would open and close, nothing coming out, and when something did, it would sputter out like a car's engine turning over. The heat rushed up her neck and I saw her beautiful blush come through. She started chewing on her lip. Her brown eyes glistened. I wanted to kiss her so badly, but I also wanted to shake her. Didn't she understand how entranced I was with her? Obviously not.

"I don't know about this. We're going so fast, and it's hard to keep up. But this feels right. Edward, I really and truly……" she started before the door opened quietly. Rosalie peered in and hissed.

"Hurry up, hurry up, they're coming!" She passed us a frantic look. Bella's doe eyes searched frantically into my face. She started to say something, but Rosalie pulled me by the hand away from Bella. I fought to stay back, but Rosalie was too strong, and she knew what would happen if we didn't get away. Bella was biting her lip hard. She pulled on a hoodie to cover her arms and stomach. She ran into the bathroom. I heard the water running. I assumed it was to cover her face in cold water. She'd be in lockdown if they found the scratches.

"Sorry Edward. You know what would've happened had they found you." She shuddered. I grinned at her, half heartedly. I was grateful for her taking me away before they found us, but I was aching to hear what Bella was about to say. I already knew the answer. She could never love a killer like me. I groaned as I slammed my head against the wall. Rosalie gaped at me.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? Eh?" She looked at me square in the eyes. I slammed my fist against the wall again. Fay peered at us.  
"What are you two doing? What is that sound and why are you two alone together?" Fay glanced at both of us suspiciously. I turned on my charm.

"She was helping me! I accidentally fell when I hit that part of the door. That's what you heard. We were both going to go to the group room and play connect four. Is that alright?" I asked, innocent and doubtful. She smiled at me kindly, almost like an evil grandmother. Fay was a hardass.

"Go ahead you two, go to the group room, but I'll come with you, because I know all about you two. Fay knows. You can't pull it over on Fay, and I know what happens when you two are alone." She winked at us, but not in a cutesy way, more like an I-know-what-you're-up-to sort of way. It took all of our will to snort at her. Sure, I had thought about Rosalie that way before, but us? Together? Never. Our personalities were not compatible and we were exact opposites.

Fay waddled past us silently. She always was like a grandmother…almost. She was sort of cruel, and you could never pull anything over on her. She was petite, but round and plump, and she was African American. She was crazy, in her own way, and she was harsh. I remember one time when my parents came for a visit, I was so angry with them that I cursed repetitively at them, screaming and crying, and pleading for them to bring me home. They both were calm and told me that they loved me, and wanted to see me better, so they wouldn't bring me home. I remember standing up, slamming my fists on the table and saying "Fuck you, Mom and Dad. You don't love me because you won't bring me home." And storming away. I came back a moment later (where was there to go? I was in a lockdown ward, for heaven's sake). My parents told Fay, and I was given focus time. {**A.N. This did actually happen with me. The old black woman was named Fay and she was exactly how I described this. Just saying.) **I hated her for that.

She waddled in front of us, leading the way to the group room, key in hand. When we reached it, she opened it slowly, turned on the light to the very small room, and sat right next to the door, just watching us. We needed to talk about Bella, but we couldn't do it now, so we both sighed as I pulled down the old game of connect four. Fay just grinned smugly at us. She didn't know anything this time. I groaned as Rosalie won. I had forgotten how good she was at this. Fay started reading a book on the other side of the room. Rosalie and I got bored. Suddenly, the door opened. A petite foot entered the room, and soon followed, was the body of my beloved, Bella.

She looked down as she entered, refusing to meet my eyes. Fay looked up, slightly surprised. "Y'all can't play connect four with three players. Please bring down Scrabble, Edward, so you all can play." I stood up as she returned to her book. She was reading a book called Not Without My Daughter by Betty Mahmoody. **(If any of you have read it, please post it on your comment and I'll give you a high five. It's one of my favourites). **

I picked up the scrabble box from the very top of the stack on top of the shelves. I pulled at it slightly. I couldn't quite get it out, so I pulled harder. The mistake was known almost instantly as the little wooden letters rained out from the ripped box, all over me and onto the floor. We all started laughing, and Fay giggled as I shook off the letters in my collar. She returned to her book as we started picking them up. I saw Bella picking random letters and putting them on the ground. I. L. O. V. E. Y.O.U. T.O.O E.D.W.A.R.D. I gasped. She looked up at me and grinned. Rosalie groaned slightly, but we both knew she was happy for us. She erased Bella's sentence and wrote her own. I.L.L D.I.S.T.R.A.C.T. F.A.Y F.O.R. Y.O.U. We both smiled at her. Then she erased it again. B. U. T. Y.O.U.L.L O.N.L.Y. H.A.V.E. A. M.I.N.U.T.E. We both nodded at her.

She erased it one last time and started again. I. E.X.P.E.C.T. T.H.I.S. W.I.T.H. M.E. A.N.D E.M.M.E.T.T. We grinned and smiled at her, and whispered thanks. We scrambled the letters and started to put them away.

Suddenly, Rosalie stood up, and accidentally hit her head on the table. We hear a thud, and then she fell. She started crying, and went over to Fay. Fay soothed her, but Rosalie continued on how badly her head hurt, and finally, Fay walked her out and down to the Nurse's station. Finally.

I grabbed at Bella and kissed her harder than anything. I poured all of my feelings into her lips as her hips gyrated into mine. I could feel my body get excited as I felt her small, wet, warm tongue graze over my lips. I quickly opened my entrance to let her tongue in. Our breathing was rapid and I felt her body tense as my hand reached the hem of her shirt. She paused for but a minute, before pushing her body up against mine, giving me the go ahead. I pushed her shirt up and put my hand onto her breast. Gosh, she felt so good! I could feel her heartbeat thrum against my hand, as my hand grazed softly over her small breast. She groaned against me, and I was happy. I was making her make this sound. I wanted it to continue. I kissed her again.

We broke apart as we heard footsteps walking down the hallway. The door opened, and Rosalie was there. She grinned at our faces. She closed the door behind her. "The nurses went out for break. They say tomorrow is a totally free day. There will only be one nurse on staff and she is only here to make sure we are not cutting or killing ourselves or crap. They put Brenda on! She doesn't even care. Once a girl was giving a guy a BJ, and she saw and didn't care. She just put her finger over her lip, and pretended to throw away the key! They talked it over, and decided that we should have one free day for being so good. They are giving us basically consent, but only for tomorrow." She squealed.

Bella and I gaped at her. "They said we are not to have sex or be inappropriate. I'm so excited." Bella looked at me, and so did Rosalie. Both of them said to each other "I'm on the pill." I grinned, but I didn't think Bella and I were ready for that yet, but what would happen, would happen. I wasn't sure, but I wanted it to be a great day.

I just smiled at my Bella. I looked at the door, and Rosalie groaned loudly. "I'll be watching outside, and reading. I'll be the lookout." We grinned at each other, as Bella's soft lips met mine. We were more tender this time. "How could you want me? I'm a killer." I said, in between kisses. I moved my lips to her neck as she talked. "I loved you from hello, you were just my friend until we started kissing. Can you believe that I've been here for about two weeks?" I grinned. She moaned as my lips made their way up to her ears.

"But why? I was barely alive. I loved Alice at that time. It had only been about three months since she died." I asked her. She whimpered whenever I took my lips away from her body. Her breathing was rapid and light. "You….cared…..about…..me. I…..was…..so broken and you were…….that feels so good……so nice to me and I couldn't help but……fall in love…..with you……" I grinned against her neck as I slid my hand under her shirt again. This was going so fast, but I couldn't stop the train.

Rosalie knocked softly on the door. She stuck her head in. "The doctor wants to see you Edward." Then pulled her head back out to the hall. Both Bella and I groaned as we both sat up and straightened our clothes out. She fixed my hair and I fixed hers until we both looked acceptable. She planted one last kiss on my lips before I stood up. I could hear Bella's deep breathing as I walked towards Dr. Rubenstein's room. When I opened the door, Dr. Rubenstein met my eyes with a steady gaze. She beckoned me in.

"Good morning Edward. It's a pleasure to see you today."

I grunted in response, sort of ticked that this was my time off and that she was ruining it. I was supposed to be with my Bella, but now I wouldn't be. She still smiled at me.

"How's your arm? Is it healing? Any health problems? I know when you came in here, you were very sick."

I grunted again in response. She took that as a no to the health problems. I sunk lower in my chair. She had always been entirely too cheery for a place like this.

"I've heard that you haven't had any bad outbreaks recently, and have been doing well in group."

I sighed as I pushed myself up. She frowned at me, and started to talk. I drowned her out in my day dreaming about Bella, until she said the one thing that was surely going to break me.

The entire meeting went by so quickly, I could barely see straight. I felt as if my soul was on fire, and my body was in ice. I wanted to cry or scream. I left the room with my entire body feeling numb. Doctor Rubenstein smiled at me as she waved goodbye as I walked back to the group room. I entered in and saw Bella hunched over, sleeping and slightly snoring. I went over to her and pecked her quickly on the lips. Her eyes opened with a smile. She saw my eyes, and immediately frowned and sat up.  
"Edward, what's wrong?"

"Bella, the day after tomorrow, I have to go home."

Bum Bum BUMMMMMMMM. I know I'm evil. Please keep praying for the guy I know. It really is a tragedy. I need 10 reviews for this, considering that this actually is my longest chapter. Please review my other story too. =D I loves you allllzzzz. –Kassie.


	12. Chapter 12: All the lonely people

I heard the hiss of pain squeal out from her lips as her face crumpled in pain. Her eyes closed as she curled up into a ball on the floor. Her breathing was jagged as she fought for dominance over the pain. I hugged her around her waist, trying to find something to do to make her happy. I started to move my hands around her head, trying to find something soothing to do for her, but finding none, so I awkwardly stroked her hair until her breathing came back to normal.

Rosalie chose that moment to stick her head in. She looked at Bella for a moment, perplexed with the dark mood that surrounded us. She shrugged as she told us the news. "Justin will be on tomorrow too, but only for the later half of the day. They are switching off at noon. I saw it on the board." I nodded my head at her. The board was a large whiteboard with all of our names and room numbers on it. It also showed who was staffing, when everyone got to the hospital, and our roommates. I looked down at Bella. I couldn't fathom hurting her the way Emmett had. I couldn't possibly do anything with her until after we were married (**sorry guys, I'm not into writing pornos/lemons. I'm Catholic XD )**

I could feel Bella's heartbeat was back down. I breathed a sigh of relief. I would've thought she was asleep, but as soon as I could've sworn she was, she flipped her body towards me and burrowed her face in my chest. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and whispered sweet nothings in her ear as she held me close. I stared down at her messy hair and was determined. I had to do something to stay

"Edward!" I heard Alice squeal. I hissed as I shot up. I saw her small pixie hair across the room.  
"Alice! What are you doing here?" I questioned, hoping this wasn't what I thought it was.

"I'm here to take you with me. To take you home. I've missed you so much!" She said as she raised her arms out to take me with her. She danced towards me. I felt my heart pull towards her with the closer she got. She smiled at me.

I shook my head out of it as I backed away. I stumbled back onto my bed. "I can't come, Alice. You and I broke up the day you died." I swallowed the lump in my throat as I said this.

Her little red cheeks puffed up at this. She looked angry. "You said we'd be married. I thought you meant it. We're supposed to be together. HE wants you up in heaven." She looked so sincere, I almost thought she meant it.

"Till death do us part, are the vows, Alice. I don't want to come." I smelled her scent and almost lost it. Alice's scent was always amazing. Her body was a bigger thrill. Everything I, as a teenage boy, could've wanted, but yet, I found myself shaking my head again. She looked so angry and I saw the worst thing.

Her hands seemed to grip something. A hood grew over her head and before my eyes, Alice turned into the Grim Reaper. I screamed as she came closer to me. I kicked and pushed back until she was hovering above me, and just like that, she turned back to Alice.

She bent down to me and kissed me softly on the lips, and I woke up.

Bella's dark brown eyes were the first thing I saw as I opened my exhausted eyes. I pushed up on my elbows as my lips met hers in a soft kiss. She grinned at me as she hopped on top of my stomach. I huffed out and groaned. Today was the day that everything was going to change. Again.

I started kissing her. "What time is it?" I mumbled against her lips. She giggled. "Ten-fifteen. I didn't want to wake you." She smiled as she pulled away and looked at me. I started the stopwatch in my head. I didn't have much time to do what I wanted. I groaned as I let go of Bella. "We can't do this. I need to shower and do some things. Can we do this together later with the night shift?" She nodded. Too bad, really, that I knew we weren't going to be doing that. I sighed as I stood up. She followed my lead, and trailed me around. She was savouring the last bit of time with me. I yawned as she put her arms around me again.

I never wanted to leave her embrace.

She let go and walked out of my room and waved at me as she crossed the hall to her room. I waved slightly as I closed the door and set myself to work. I had an hour and a half.

I was ready for this. I had unscrewed a screw from the door hinge. The end was sharp enough, and I had enough experience to be able to do this with ease. I stripped down to my boxers as I thought of the best way to do this. I chose to leave my boxers on. If they found me, I didn't want to be indecent. I started to run the warm water so the blood would flow easily. I knelt down to the bottom, and sat down quietly. I ran my hands through my hair before I started.

I tested the sharpness on my ankle by slitting slightly. It was defiantly sharp enough to do some damage, but not enough, so I slid my hand along the shower wall and popped out the shower curtain pole. There was a thin disk of metal left in my hand. I skid the curtain pole back into place. It was much more rickety, but I had the metal. I started folding it back and forth until it broke in my hands (I read this method in a book. My preferred method was with a needle or a diabetic lancet. So I don't know if this would do anything. I DON'T CONDONE THIS BEHAVIOR.). I groaned as I tested it against my other ankle. Success.

I ran the plate against the inner part of my arm. It slid down, doing no damage. I cut slightly deeper, but still no luck. I panicked. I pushed the plate down as hard as I could, and jagged it. All of the sudden, blood squirted out of my arm. I grinned. I cut again and again, enjoying the pain it sent up my arm. I missed this so much. Being with Bella, I loved, but her pain sometimes seeped into me. I needed something to calm myself every once in a while, and this was keeping us together too.

I groaned as I slid the plate against my other arm. The blood rushed down my arm, dark burgundy. I smiled for a moment before calculating. I was getting really dizzy as the world was spinning. I couldn't figure out how long I had been in there. I didn't have to wait long to find out. Soon, I heard Emmett pounding on the door. I had been hazing in and out of consciousness. "Dude! You've been in there for way too long. Justin's here early and he wants to see us all. Be out in fifteen minutes!" And with that he left.

I barely stayed awake for the next few minutes. Soon, my ability to stay up fell apart again. I fell out of consciousness again, but this time was different.

It was light and I was lucid. Alice was there again.

"I told you HE wanted you with us. I want you with me. It's nice to see you again Edward."

Fuck.

Bella's Point of View

_  
I saw as Jacob strolled into Edwards room and heard him open the door. He yelled for help and I heard the panic in his voice. I ran to find Edward and saw him. His entire body was bloody, his face looked like a rock. Cold and dead.

Edward.

Hey guys! I'm really sorry but I've been busy and Ive got a plan for this! I had to get packed for moving, do examinations, and Ive just been busy. I hope this makes up for this. And Edward isn't dead yet. I should update as soon as I get 10 reviews. Is that a lot? I need a hundred sweeties. I hope you're still with me. I love you all!

-K


	13. Chapter 13: Death and Dying

**This chapter was hard for me to write. I hope it's okay. I chose to write it like this for a reason. Um… sorry for not updating in a while. Hope this doesn't suck. It's in Edward's point of view for the first part. Then it's all Bella's. This is my view of the afterlife. It has nothing to do with anyone else's and it in no way depicts the Roman Catholic Church's view. Yeah, so this is it.**

**And I added songs of the chapter. This one's are **

"**Desperately Wanting" by Better than Ezra**

"**Halfway Gone" by Lifehouse**

"**Heartbeat" by Stereo Skyline**

**And "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World. Sorry this is short. It's mostly a fill chapter until the next one. I'm trying to slow down the story a bit.**

"So, Edward, I told you He wanted you here." Alice's voice rang out in my ears. I was fighting to keep my body down, but the light was so…tempting. I wanted to bathe in its warmth.

"Who, Alice?" I asked, marveling as my skin started to glow. With each slowly passing second, I could feel myself drifting away from the world. I could still hear Jacob as he yelled for help. I never noticed how high his voice became as he was panicked.

"Silly Edward. God wants you here for the moment." Alice lilted. Jacob's voice seemed farther away now. I could barely tell as more voices joined in. Most were shocked and frightened, but I could only feel a light calmness. I slightly marveled at seeing Alice again, her small body shining in the light. Everything else fell away. I only felt the light and the tingling excitement as I felt myself being lifted, and the immediate awe as I was brought close. The light shined in my eyes. I felt my body, but to my amazement, it felt like it was burning away. The light became blinding, and I felt in my heart like I wasn't ready. This wasn't supposed to be happening now.

That's when I was pushed away. I tried to grasp back into the light, but I was falling. Alice fell away. I pulled towards the light, begging to be brought back. God was there. I wanted to be there. I heard something push me. Hard. I was drowning in darkness. I pushed to be back in the light, but I heard a sound. It sounded like a monitor of some sort. I felt the brief feeling of the warmth again, and immediately sprang, trying to get back….but then I heard it.

It was the most gut-wrenching, heartbreaking screams I had ever heard, and it was getting louder as I felt myself get heavier. I felt another spark of warmth as my body seemed to jolt without my guidance.

"Get her out of here. Now!" I heard someone roar, as I inwardly grimaced as everything was being amplified.

"No!" I heard the scream again as I heard scuffling. "Edward! No! Please! Edward! Let me go, let me go!" Bella screamed. I heard a door slam shut, as a large jolt shook me. It burned and it hurt. I felt the sizzle. I couldn't move. I felt something press down on me, and another jolt pressed through my body. I felt my body fully, as I was seemingly dropped into my body, and I tried to pull a breath through my nose, but there was something lodged in my throat, and I couldn't move a muscle. I tried to move my fingers but felt the fear as I couldn't move.

I couldn't open my eyes and I faded away again.

**xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoBella'**

I saw as Jacob strolled into Edwards room and heard him open the door. He yelled for help and I heard the panic in his voice. I ran to find Edward and saw him. His entire body was bloody, his face looked like a rock. Cold and dead. Edward.

Everything after was a blur. The nurses and doctors ran in from no where. Brenda pulled both Jacob and me away. I started screaming as they checked for a pulse. A gurney was wheeled in, fast. They started chest compressions as they were wheeling him quickly through the unit and close to the door. I screamed at the top of my lungs, tearing away from Brenda as I pushed away from Jake. They tried to grab my arms but I ran after Edward, clutching onto the railing of his bed as they tried to take him away. They took him into an odd room, and I noticed that I had escaped inpatient. I didn't even care.

They put a pulse monitor on his finger quickly. There was none. I screamed as they jolted him with the paddles. His body flopped uselessly against the table. They tried it again as I continued screaming. Edward couldn't be gone.

"Get her out of here. Now!" Doctor Sullivan screamed at the nurse. She reached toward me but I bolted away. I didn't know what I was screaming, but I yelled something. I ran towards Edward, clutching onto his still warm hand.

All of the sudden, two male nurses grabbed onto me, pulling me back as they shocked him again. They pulled me through the doors, slamming it shut after them. "Edward!" I cried as I collapsed onto the ground. I wanted to die, and they tried to pull me back to the stress center. I grabbed onto the railing on the wall, holding myself there as the tears streamed down my face. I smacked one of the nurses, escaping as I ran down the hall. They were catching up to me fast as I heard their footsteps trailing after me, my barefoot feet slapping against the cool linoleum. Someone tackled me as I felt a pinch on my thigh, and the world went black.

I woke up quickly. I was in the quiet room, all alone. I sat straight up, showing them that I was awake and ready to talk, not struggling anymore. I was back in the stress center, and there was no way I was going to get out. I knew they were watching me so I sat straight and waited for them to come in. A few minutes later, Fay stuck her head in.

"Why on earth did you leave the stress center? You know better." She asked, scowling at me. I kept my head down.

"You acted so stupidly. Don't ever do that again. Some focus time is in order." She said as she walked out of the room. I sighed as I laid my head back down, slamming it onto the mattress. I wanted to cry but I refused to let the tears out. I had been through worse things than this and hadn't shed a tear. Plus, I had only known Edward for maybe two or three weeks (in the psych ward, you lose track). How could one boy make me want to die so much? I didn't even know if he was okay. I started to scratch the inside of my arm until it was raw, and kept going.

I hissed as the tears started falling rapidly.

But sooner than I wished, someone stuck there head in the door and sedated me. I felt the pain hit my thigh, as someone put pressure to my arm. Before I fell back under, I noticed the blood that was spilling from it. I smiled as I closed my eyes, the sickening drawing me closer. I had won at least one battle today. I breathed out as I felt the darkness of the room pound down on me.

**Whoever's point of view.**

Two lovers,  
too many worlds apart,  
torn apart by fate itself.  
Gone forever, or just for tonight?  
One lover grasping onto life with bony, dry fingers  
as she slips away from her other half.  
Holding his memory in the palms of her hands  
as each memory slips like ink from her fingers  
as the blood runs down her arm.

The other stuck in between life and death,  
the opposite end of the world it seems.  
Holding his lover's life in the palm of his hands,  
but not having control of his own.  
Pressing his head against the cool, harsh reality of racing against time to save them both.  
Slipping gently away, but being pulled back by his lover's last pleas.

Two lovers drowning in death and life.  
Two lovers left desperately wanting.

BTW. Did I mention that I need 8 reviews. Thanks. -K


	14. Chapter 14: Really long chapter

Bella's Point of View

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I wonder if anyone knows how I felt. I was staring hazily up at the dark ceiling of the quiet room, my small breaths coming out as pants as they echoed around me, suffocating every thought I could manage. I pressed my lips against the bandages on my arm, wishing so much that I could break out of here. I couldn't even think about….him. He was long gone now. Edward had died, and once again, everything in my world came crashing down. I curled up into a ball on the small mattress, hugging my legs to my chest to stop the feeling of drowning in sorrow. It felt as if my heart had sunk through the floor, though I wished my heart rate would plummet with it.

I turned over and screamed into my pillow. The sounds of my screams echoed throughout the small dark room. I screamed for the pain of losing my daughter as the feelings started to rush through me as I could almost feel her little nudges in my stomach. The feelings from being raped started to fall down upon me. Edward helped keep those away, but he was gone now. Edward. I screamed even louder, as tears rushed down faster than ever before. I slid off the bed and crawled to the corner, curling up into a tight ball. I wished for the drugs that took me away from here, and dulled the pain. The sedative took me back to sleep, where the pain was still there, but dulled and where I could see my darlings. I suppose that was the only place to see Edward now.

My delusions started to come back. I watched my little Elizabeth play in a field of flowers. The warming spring months brought butterflies fluttering against the winds and light flowers twirling around her. I imagined her eyes in the dark watching the fireflies flicker under the midnight moon, dancing as the lights from candles illuminated them, captivated by the scene of dark butterfly moths approaching the porch light that always guided her home. Her little eyelids softly closed over her dark emerald eyes as exhaustion kissed her babyish face. Her light mutterings and sighs reached to me as her silky baby hair twirled around my fingertips. Her small body draped over the soft fabric of my old calico dress, as her head rested in the palms of my hands.

Edward came next. He was back next to me, his rough hands tilting my head up to meet his light green eyes, smiling as I saw the twinkle of amusement and love shine in his eyes. The priest declared us man and wife, after Edward's deep voice broke with emotion as he said his vows, making him mine. Edward running after Elizabeth as she played in the sunny backyard, their faces turning bright red with laughter as he chased her, the grass stains appearing on his light cotton shirt. His deep musk smell pulling me closer as we overlooked the meadow near my first home, turned red and orange as the sunset drew to a close on a crisp fall day. The crickets and calming sounds of cicadas were heard with their loud songs as I put my head down on Edward's shoulder, watching Elizabeth playing in front of us.

I even imagined my stomach ballooning to hold the children I knew we'd be having. Edward and Elizabeth's hands clasping over my moving stomach as the small baby kicked hard against the wall of my stomach.

It was hard to imagine anything anymore. I doubled over in pain as I thought about it. I knew they wouldn't sedate me. They'd wait for me to calm down, when I was turning catastrophic. I pressed my fingertips against my lips as I slightly bit down on them, waiting for them to come and sedate me. They would never have let me out of there, because I didn't have any desire to leave anymore. Everything I had was there. I closed my eyes and waited. Maybe this was what it was like to go insane. I grabbed my stomach where my baby used to be and I held close. After a while, I just slipped away from the world, into where reality met imagination. My dreams.

_Edward's Point of View_

_ Maybe I was dreaming. I could hear the light breaths of someone as I heard a constant beat. I recognized it almost immediately. The beats of a heart monitor were as foreign to me as breathing. I had grown up in a hospital. Carlisle, my father, had taken me to work each day off and showed me to his staff as his pride and joy. He would show me each floor and let me press the buttons on the elevator as we rode up to his office. I would get to meet each of his patients as he made his daily rounds. Dad would teach me about everything I would ask, never holding back. I remember his speeches to me about drugs and alcohol and my pledges to never be one of the people in the hospital that we passed at night in the E.R. I would never be the one sobbing about my stupid mistake, especially drunk driving. Oh, how wrong I was. _

_ I still remembered the day that Carlisle found out about my drugs and alcohol. I saw a slight tinge of anger in his eyes, and the light disapproval that coloured his eyes slightly darker. The worst though, was I saw his disappointment in himself. I could see the same thing I did in him. I watched as he started blaming himself in his head, thinking he was the worst parent in the world. He didn't even say anything to me. He just slightly shook his head and turned to walk away. I grabbed his arm like a child, clutching it to me, begging for forgiveness, but he just kept walking. _

_ He didn't talk to me for four days, and I could've counted each and every second. _

_ We haven't been the same since. _

_ I knew I had been this way before. The small pants had belonged to Esme, as my brother, Damien watched from the doorway of the small hospital room. I wondered if it was the same now. I could feel a light body draped across my bed, heavy on my legs. I wasn't quite sure how I got there, not remembering what got me in the hospital this time. The last thing I remembered was Bella waking me up. Shit, how long ago was that? I suppose it didn't matter. _

_ Shit. Bella. Where was she and how was she? I wondered if the had let her see me. She was probably fine, but I worried so much about her. I knew what damage she could do when she was alone. I missed her just thinking about her. I couldn't wait to see her. Speaking of which, how bad was I?_

_ I groaned slightly as I tried to stretch my muscles. They were tight and sore and it was hard to move. I felt the soreness of a tube in my throat, and I crinkled my nose as it made me want to choke. My hand went up to it, trying to pull it out, when a hand stopped me. I slightly opened my eyes. Damien's dark, jet black hair was long and straight, falling against his head. If it wasn't too long after whatever had happened, then it must've been about two months since I saw him last. _

_ Damien glared at me, but I saw in his eyes the relief. I looked down, and there, in fact, was my mother. She was snoring slightly. The bright sunshine streamed through a window at the side. Damien's eyes glowed their odd hazel-gold colour. He was only a year younger, and got perfect grades. I made fun of him for his emo look, obnoxious music, odd girlfriend, and extreme intelligence. I was the more favoured of us two, at least by our parents. He hung out with the loners, and took all advanced classes. His hair used to be a nice blonde, but one day, when I came home at midnight, I peeked into his room to see a black haired boy with a lip ring. _

_ We used to be close, but as he got older, my friends and I started excluding him. Damien had always been very anxious. We would scare him and he would run away and hide. We laughed at his tears. He was about a year younger than me, but he never fit it with us. He would spend most of his time in his bedroom, or in the lower bunk when we shared a room. Damien always had his nose in a book or doing homework. Everything changed when he turned fourteen. _

_ His friends started coming over more, and he started changing. He listened to odd music and got a piercing below his mouth. My parents were not happy about it but were always in favour of self expression. He became happier, but different. Damien's grades soared high, and within a year, he had moved into his own room, painted one wall black, gotten a girlfriend, and changed his entire style. We were no longer brothers in my eyes._

_ The hardest part of being in that hospital bed was looking at him. I could see the resentment in his eyes of me being there. I could see the sheer anger, for upsetting our parents, I was certain. I saw the relief that his brother was awake. All of the sudden, I saw the tears form in his eyes, and he slammed his head against the table next to my bed, followed by face palming himself, and leaving the room. Mom barely stirred. _

_ Damien came back within a few minutes, a nurse and doctor following behind. They gently woke my mom up, who looked at me crying, acting as if it was a miracle that I was alive at all. She called my dad on her cell phone, and he came quickly. The doctor let dad take the tube out from my throat, instructing me that it would be uncomfortable and painful for a while. Mom and dad went out in the hall to talk to the doctor, leaving Damien and me alone. I could see the panic that sprung up in his eyes as soon as they left, like a caged animal stuck in a small area with a predator. He lunged for the door as quickly as possible, grabbing the door handle just as I got my voice._

_ "Stop!" I croaked, my throat burning._

_ He froze, turning to look at me._

_ "You haven't seen me in two months. Don't leave just as I'm waking up." I begged._

_ "It was your choice to be sent here. It was your choice to do what you did. It was your choices that led you up to being here in this hospital room, after struggling for days to stay alive. That's not my fault. And you're right. I haven't seen you in two months, because you were stupid enough to get yourself sent here, so what right do you think you have to boss me around to stop me from getting the hell away from you." Damien hissed, his eyes burning golden._

_ I was stunned. He had always been quiet to me, rolling his eyes at my insults, a small hi, maybe. Damien never talked. He had changed a lot in the past month._

_ My mouth opened and closed for a minute. My little brother?_

_ "I've changed, Edward. I'm different. After all, while you were here, I was sitting at home, watching the toll on mom and dad as each call came in saying that you weren't doing any better. I sat there while the bills rolled in, the lawyer bills, hospital bills, medication bills, insurance bills, and every other fucking bill you can think of. I watched as mom cried her eyes out and sunk to the floor every night, wanting you to come home so badly, but knowing you weren't ready or okay. All because you fucking screwed up."_

_ His eyes were shining again with tears. He squeezed them shut. _

_ "They're talking about you, you know? Asking if maybe you can finally come home. Asking for answers that the doctor's can't say. Why you did it, if you're going to be okay, wondering if perhaps a different thing will change you, or anything. It's all about you. It's always about you. I'm so sick of it!" He whispered, voice filled with fervor. _

_ "Listen, Damien, I'm so sorry…" I started, but he cut me off._

_ "Why'd you do it? Huh? You ruined my life. I got so depressed when you left, and seeing mom and dad that depressed, that my girlfriend of a year and a half broke it off with me. My grades started slipping a little bit. My GPA got down to a 3.7. Do you know how low that is for me? Do you even fucking care? So why? Why'd you decide to kill yourself again, just when you were supposed to come home. Couldn't stand us, that much?" He growled, tears starting to run down his face. He always did cry when he was mad and hurt._

_ "Bella. I couldn't leave her." I whispered, my voice husky. I saw Damien do a double take. _

_ "You care about a girl you met within the past two months, more than your family? We sent you here to get better, not worse. You ninny." He hissed. _

_ I chuckled slightly at his word ninny. I saw Damien's face turn red, and the anger flair up again. _

_ "You disgust me. I wish you had died." He yelled at me before stalking out of the room, and I froze. He had never said anything like that to me before. I could feel the hurt raging through my veins as I bit my teeth down. I wasn't good enough for anyone. _

_ My dad came in for a brief visit, saying they were bringing me home. I obviously wasn't getting any better, so they had a special program designed for me to do at home. I felt my heart sinking. _

_ I asked how long I had been out, and he said I was in a coma for about four days. I growled slightly. I asked how I had gotten this way, but he stayed silent. He said I was only going to be in the psych ward for about three more days, and that I'd be transferring that night because I was doing so much better, and the fact that they would have all the resources I needed there, and it was less than two minutes back to the E.R. if I needed it. I smiled lightly, but inside I was thinking of Bella. _

_ My mother came in next. Seeing her became my unhinging. It was obvious that she was greatly jarred by my being back in the hospital emergency room. She broke down, hugging me close, saying how much she missed me and how she would be bringing me home as soon as possible. I hugged her back, but before I knew it, I was gushing about Bella. She watched, concerned as I explained the story._

_ "I've never seen you this way before." She stated simply, allowing me a chance to breathe, not a tone of condescension. I smiled at her, and she smiled brightly back. _

_ "I'm leaving her to come home. I couldn't do that. I had to stay with her." I said, suddenly remembering exactly what happened. Mom looked freaked, but then her face smoothed over. _

_ "You can see her when both of you get better. When she's out, she can talk to you, and when you're better, you can talk to her, but you can't be a support for both of you if you can't support yourself." Mom stated, and I knew she was right, but it didn't make it any easier._

_ We said our goodbyes as they started to put me in the wheelchair. Dad and Mom called their "goodbyes" and "see you soon"s at me, but I noticed that Damien was no where to be seen. They wheeled me silently back into those double locked doors of doom. Everyone was crowded around, except Bella. I looked around for her as they made me stand up, but she was no where. Rosalie came over and I whispered to her._

_ "She's in the quiet room. She's been in there since you…. She hasn't been out at all. I heard while they weren't listening that she's had so many sedatives that they're banning giving them to her for the time being and that she's gone catastrophic. The doctor's been in there a few times but only comes out shaking his head. Apparently she says jumbled up words or repeats what he says. Or she does nothing at all."_

_ I started fuming. What was wrong with her? Why was she this depressed?_

_ "Apparently she hasn't been sleeping at all, and stays in the corner. She keeps mumbling about you and someone named Elizabeth. I think she thinks you're dead. They aren't telling us anything about it right now." Rosalie whispered through the side of her mouth as they led me to my room. I was under twenty four hour surveillance.__ I walked into my bathroom and noticed that the shower curtain was gone. Most things I had were gone now. Would I be able to reach her where she went? Where was she?_

_ If there was one thing I knew, was that it was so hard to get to someone who has disappeared into their own little world. _

_ And she was so far gone._

_ Bella._

_A/N  
This story is NOT done but it is drawing slowly to a close. I need 7 reviews for this, and I only got 7 last time. : (  
Playlist songs:_

_Drop in the Ocean- Ron Pope_

_Meet Virginia- Train_

_Hero (Red Pill Mix)- Superchick_

_CAMISADO-PANIC! AT THE DISCO_

_Where The Story Ends- The Fray_

_We Believe- Good Charlotte_

_Hold On- Good Charlotte_

_P.S. None of the characters are mine, but their personalities are and my plotline is, and Damien is totally mine, as well as Edward's mom. Everything else belongs to Stephenie Meyer. _

_P.P.S. This is what I imagined for Damien: _.com/imgres?imgurl=..&imgrefurl=.%3FMemberId%3D8165183629&usg=_dzOXNmvpK9KImtgJLetZUYXUcIg=&h=400&w=277&sz=16&hl=en&start=22&zoom=1&tbnid=zK4BWD76BML2zM:&tbnh=148&tbnw=115&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhot%2Bblonde%2Bemo%2Bguy%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DX%26rlz%3D1C1CHMZ_enUS392US392%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D640%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=311&ei=CkWFTI6tAoKBlAfs3uCyDw&oei=-USFTPD5BYa0lQfH1_yrDg&esq=3&page=2&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:22,s:22&tx=53&ty=60

Lol sorry bout that link.

-K


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